The Diary of a Victim of an Alcoholic

Alcoholic Chat is what I do on this site. Only it's really chat about alcoholism. Jane appears to be in recovery. That's why I haven't posted anything for several days. She runs 2.7 miles every morning and is fairly fit. I suggested that she trains for a London 10k charity event in the summer and she agreed. She'll gradually build up to it. I'll be the trainer. She goes to AA every day. Well put it this way she leaves the apartment every day and comes back 2 hours or more later and she briefly describes what she has done at AA when I ask. I also don't see her running the 2.7 miles. Any genuine trust between us is broken because of all the years of her lying to me about drinking. Sure I've lied to her a couple of times and she uses that as a defense but she has lied a thousand times, blindly, wantonly, crazily about drinking. Is she still lying when she says she has been running and going to AA? At the moment I believe her and anyway my objective is to simpl

Having an alcoholic partner who is perhaps in recovery (optimistic?) means that I get to discuss Jane's AA meetings. Once upon a time many years ago she said that she didn't find AA useful and that it didn't suit her. Since I pushed her to try again (yeh I'm boasting a bit) and since she participates (I push her on that too) she has found it a bit of a life line. AA can work I think if the people attending both give and receive in equal amounts. The whole arrangement is then in balance. Also, giving is probably a more effective healing process for the alcoholic as it boosts the self-esteem which in invariably very low. It makes you feel more important if others rely on you. Jane has through her discussion with other recovered alcoholics at AA meetings begun to look at herself and her behavior as an alcoholic. It is really great to realize that she is being told things by other participants the same things that I have told her. This is making her think about herself and

Some more Alcoholism Chat . First things first, Jane is doing well. An air of calm (almost, but lets say more calm than before) has entered her. This would seem to be the effects of 2 things (a) no alcohol recently and (b) AA. I am pretty well convinced that Jane's argumentative nature is in part due to having had small amounts of alcohol which make her more boisterous. I would have to confess to not helping some times. Due to the stress I need a drink in the evening, not much though, as the downside is just not worth it. I might drink about one third of a bottle of wine. If I do say something about her drinking (and I usually don't as it is definitely out of bounds) it will be when I have had a glass of wine. Bingo no go. I can't talk about booze with her. Sometimes to be brutally honest I would like to slip out of this life. Sounds bad but this blog is meant to be the unvarnished truth and I am tired. Back to Jane. She is picking up. She says she has been sober for 5 week

Alcoholism chat is what I need to do to ease the pain of despair going through me. I moved in with my partner (knowing she was an alcoholic - yes sounds crazy) because I was simply too lonely living alone. That is the sad reality. But right now I am not sure being alone is better or worse than living with an alcoholic. We have just pretty well agreed that I will move out (correction, I said that I would move out). That will be the end of this blog too. But the final decision has not been made. It may be possible to re-jig things so I am like a lodger. We behave politely to each other etc. but get on with each others lives. The trouble is it is quite a small flat so it's hard to avoid each other. I'll work on it. There are also financial aspects to consider as it is obviously cheaper to live together but the bigger issue will be the criteria for making the decision. Photo copyright and by ParanoidMonk