Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Alcoholic Behavior - Talking Normal Things Again
photo by Donna Cymek
Jane's alcoholic behavior means that we sleep in different rooms. There I was, in bed, working on my computer (as I do, sad me) and what do I hear? Jane calls out my nickname (the one she gave me, which I can't say here as it might identify her) followed by, "I love you".
I smile and say, "you're talking normal things again". And by that I don't mean it is necessarily normal for her to say she loves me, just that it was a normal sort of thing to say, it made sense, it sounded normal. Hey, we are communicating again. She has stopped the big binge. She is on the mend (for now) until the next time. But I don't care right now because it is really nice to begin to get back to some kind of normality. To converse. To look at her and see the person I feel in love with many years ago. To see the good bit of her.
And guys, you guys out there --- thanks a lot if you put up a prayer and for your comments. I guess it worked. They certainly help me to keep going. She was bad. She didn't want to come back. She wanted to go on binging or to turn a binge into permanent drinking, and drinking at the rate of one normal sized bottle of Vodka a day, neat from the bottle, that would have probably killed her. She also takes pills, like sleeping pills and Valium, at the end of a binge, so if she restarts she has booze and drugs in her at the same time -- dangerous.
It was as tough as hell to get her to stop this time. Her alcoholic behavior appears to be getting worse. I held off calling an ambulance as she was "stable". And going to hospital can really screw things up. Jane doesn't tell the hospital staff the full picture, all the information, so they can misdiagnose and mistreat. This can lengthen the stay. But sometimes it can be the only way to get her to stop and to save her as it prevents her from buying more Vodka and they tranquillize her.
Anyway, there have at least two false dawns during this binge, meaning stopping and then restarting binging. But I sense (and I could be wrong) that she has stopped this binge now.
Jane does this sometimes. She'll binge heavily for say 7 days lying on bed totally comatose and then sober up, look around for a few hours, decide the world is not worth living in and go under again by going out and buying more Vodka. Last night she stole (took) some of my wine but to her credit she only took half a bottle and that appears to be the last drink she'll have this binge..........until the next one. Will the next one be as bad? Will it kill her next time? What will happen at Christmas? She loves to go under at good ole Christmas (see Boxing Day and No Boxing -- last year). It's just force of habit. The holiday gives her the time to enter her own subterranean world parallel to this one, free from it. That is the nature of alcoholic behavior.
Alcoholic Behavior - Talking Normal Things Again to Christmas here we come
Photo published under creative commons license