Little bottles of Vodka -- photo by notfilc
Although there are a lot of stresses going on in all our heads including Jane's, Jane has a particularly stressful relationship with her family in part due to her alcoholism. It is a vicious cyle clearly but it starts with the family and she has gone up to see them, particularly her Mum. He sister lives near her mother but declared that she was not able to see Jane. That might change. But in Jane's case family tensions encourage alcoholism.
The thing is this. Jane has barely gotten over her mega binge. She is tired. She is alone going up to see her mother. She finds it stressful seeing her mother. She will have the opportunity to buy a little bit of booze in a little bottle which she can conveniently hide in her little handbag. A little sip will smooth things over just a little bit............
When she called me from the train she sounded fine. When she phoned me from her Mum's she sounded ever so slightly drunk. Here we go again...
I might be wrong. I might be right. She might stop and be fine tomorrow. Or are we in for fun and games? Stressful family, fractious family + drunk family member = trouble. We wait and see. If I get a call from Jane tomorrow all will be well. If it's her sister all is bad and the premise that Family Tensions Encourage Alcoholism will be born out.
Update 16th December: She turned out fine. Jane may have had a little drink going up to her mother but she was OK the next day and came back from the trip sober -- well done Jane.
Family Tensions Encourage Alcoholism to Alcoholic Rows
Photo published under creative commons license
Dear FF,
ReplyDeleteI have read through many of your posts and recognize so much of what you are going through.
The co-dependent part of us doesn't want to share with the world exactly how filthy and ugly it gets when our loved one goes on a binge. We talk about the person, but not so much about the filth they live in while binging.
I can't count the number of times I have had to clean up the disaster when she finally went off to treatment or a hospital for the umpteenth time.
My mom died two weeks ago, found dead in her home, she was only 56 but was a hard-core, chronic alcoholic for at least 30 years. The official cause of death was listed as diabetes, which she did NOT have, but there was no autopsy or investigation. In actuality, she probably went into alcoholic ketoacidosis from her pancreas shutting down.
It was up to me to clean up her apartment after they removed the body. The police had warned me that her apartment 'had a strong odor and was messy'...but I already knew what to expect. I can't put into words how disgusting it was, and knowing she spent her last days lying in a bed of puke and other bodily fluids makes my stomach turn. And what should be a time of mourning and rememberance for me is clouded with images of the filth and squalor where her dead body was found.
I don't think all alcoholics reach the same depths you and I have seen, but I am glad you have a place to talk about it beause you have to let it out...if you don't it just eats away inside of you.
If my mother's sudden death causes just one alcholic to take pause and realize that they could drop dead at any moment...and their loved one will be left mopping up their mess, literally....then maybe it will be worth having shared my story.
Hi Candi
ReplyDeleteI loved your comment and it helps. God, yes, the wanton mess. The recklessness. Jane admits that she is messy. But she always follows that by saying "I am clean though".
No you are not, I say. But, hey, I still live with her. She has some good inside her and I recognize my weaknesses to.
The sad thing is that I am very tidy. It's a kind of hell.
FF
Candi and FF,
ReplyDeleteI can relate as well. My father's state of living is getting worse and worse the deeper he gets into his alcoholism. He has drank all my life, now he is 66 years old and drinking about 25-30 ounces a day. Luckily I go over and help most days ( I know, I am an enabler) so his apartment doesn't get in to bad of a state. If I wasn't there to help it would just be disguisting. Candi- I am sorry to hear about your mom. Everyday I wonder if I will find my Dad passed away. He is definitely living on borrowed time.
Natalie
Natalie,
ReplyDeleteHave you ever tried an ACOA meeting? (Adult Children of Alcholics)
It's worth going to one.
Candi