Friday, 15 October 2010

It's Been Bad

This will be short. About 2 months ago Jane had a month long binge with two hospital visits in the middle. She fell over five times in one day onto a hard floor. She broke her wrist and is off work for about three months in total. This is causing huge financial problems for her and it has pretty much broken our relationship, what was left of it.

I can't get it back. I lose my cool all the time and I am thoroughly pissed off with her. I really have to leave but I don't want to. I am torn. I will go eventually. There is no other choice. This is sad. Jane's "illness" has finally broken the relationship. It was always destined to be this way.

It has been a roller coaster. The last binge was the longest she has ever had and it was after one of the best spells off drink. So you see, the problem (that causes the alcoholism) has to come out. You bottle it up and it comes out more strongly.

I am damaged by all this a bit. Al anon doesn't work. It is too chatty and ineffectual for me. It is a tea party.

7 comments:

  1. If given the opportunity to get a good counselling session in, it would be helpful. I found that it was a lifesaver for me in my relationship. Not with him, it was helpful for me to have someone totally neutral to be able to vent the anger and the hurt and the pain.
    Today I am stronger then I ever thought yesterday..and that is progress.

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  2. You ARE being damaged by this - emotionally and physically. She will probably die. Her body can't take this abuse for long. She will probably lose her job.
    Do you feel you have to take care of her because there is no one else to do it? You can't save her. Are you still searching for the perfect words to make her change?
    Save yourself! Choose life!
    I made my choices. I stayed. I am miserable and life is passing me by. What fun/experiences/love have I missed by staying with my husband? Taking care of him night after night so that he doesn't hurt himself or others.
    Run! Be free and live!
    Maybe I'll follow your lead.
    Jennifer

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  3. I just found your blog and I am a female alcoholic. I do not binge drink, I instead drink steadily daily, starting at around dinner time and continuing until I pass out. Rarely does a night go by that this does not happen. Reading how Jane's drinking effects you was like a much-needed slap in the face, because I was always under the impression that my husband was okay with my drinking. I imagine he most likely feels very differently. I post on another site about how to quit drinking. I just made a commitment to stop again, and found this. It is very honest and well written. Thanks.

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  4. Death will be the only end of your internal madness. It will not end, unless you make it end. You are the only one with the power to get up and walk away; much easier said than done. Alcoholics cannot connect with reality, therefore reasoning is a foreign language. Save your sanity and retreat while you still can. If the person wants to change, you leaving them helpless will be a wake up call..

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  5. I've just read 'Under the Influence' by Milam & Ketcham ... It is an eye-opener on the physiological changes that take place in the alcoholic. ie: cells actually change to accept the mass doses of alcohol (initially anyway, later they lose it). It also, which is in theory, I believe, puts blame on heredity and predisposition based on heredity solely to lead one to be an alcoholic. It puts zero blame on the alcoholic. As a functioning alcoholic, possibly going the way of the book, or not (my 70 year old mother drank way more than me and still can't be called a full-blown alcoholic as the book describes), I feel some of the blame is on the person. I believe if they 'get it' or if they were initially programmed to 'get it' (ie: religion, functioning socially), they would at least cut back and delay the mid to late stages or not even experience them at all before death... The book also states that scientific disciplines are disagreeing on their findings on alcoholism. It's an interesting read and may help J.

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  6. The greatest of my prides are not what have bought, but the ones that have earned and carried within me....
    A little piece of my greatest journeys - well shared...
    http://gravityoflife.blogspot.com/

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I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.