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In a relationship with an alcoholic it is not possible to go forward, to build for the future. This destroys hope. Alcoholism prevents a constructive way of life because it constantly erodes relationships, finances, jobs and health. It holds the alcoholic and the relationship back. You tread water.
It is nice to be able to look to a better future. It makes life more bearable. All of us need to think that there is something better in the future; that we can make things better if we do x, y and z. That does not apply to the alcoholic environment.
An alcoholic's life if about just getting by. Not losing your job, if you have one. Trying to stay healthy. Making exorbitant health insurance payments because you sure as hell need health insurance. In fact an alcoholic gets a good deal from health insurance because they make so many claims.
Life is abnormal with an alcoholic. You forget, though what normal is. You normalize the abnormal. A good relationship is mutually supportive. There is a marked lack of mutuality in a relationship with an alcoholic. It tends to be one sided: the sick person and the carer.