Thursday, 11 June 2009

Do Alcoholics Learn to be Insincere?

Living with Jane as I do, I have come to realize that alcoholics learn to be insincere. This is forced on them, it seems, because of their addiction. An alcoholic wants a drink but has to cover that up from friends or loved ones. That means lying and if you do that for long enough it becomes a way of life and part of the person. I think they lose their bearings; the boundary between lying and telling the truth or a belief that they are telling the truth breaks down.

In fact the alcoholic learns to rewrite history as well. To turn things around to defend themselves. And the degree of insincerity can be awesome. The point is that they don’t realise it. Jane uses the health services a lot; too much and sometimes in a bogus way in my opinion. I think she leans on doctors etc. as a kind of mental crutch. Health people look after her or at least that is their purpose.

Today we went to see a doctor about her general ill health. I went with her. She agreed to this. The main reason why I went was to put across an unbiased third party type view of events to make sure the doctor got the right information as Jane tends to muddy it all up. Anyway without going into detail one thing we agreed on was to improve diet. This is not surprising as a lot of alcoholics are bad eaters and Jane is not exception. She is thin and the doctor made that clear.

Actually, I think Jane was a little drunk when we went to see the doctor. Well, we got back home and I proposed a proper healthy diet and had my ideas. The intention was to put on a stone (14 lbs) in weight and eat properly. Jane tends to eat badly. She agrees a proper diet and things look positive. I do my best to motivate her and to try and get some positivity into her life and the family (me, Jane and my cat!).

Within 30 minutes of agreeing things etc. Jane is out cold on her bed, drunk sucking on a hard boiled sweet with a packet of them by her bedside. She is ready for a long session in bed, eating next to nothing but boiled sweets, wasting her muscles (because they won’t be used) and going backwards in regards to general health. And in complete defiance of all the doctor’s advice on diet and drinking bla bla bloody bla.

What is the point I told myself. I go to the hospital with her to help and motivate. I say I’ll pay for good food and prepare it. I formulate a plan to make sure she gets the right day that works around her job’s hours and bingo……a total waste of my time. No commitment. No sincerity. Jane just seems to be going through the motions, playing a game. Do alcoholics learn to be insincere? Yes. But they don’t know the truth from lying and that gets in the way of being sincere.

However, her memory seems to be poor as are her cognitive skills and I am wondering if all the booze has damaged her.

 

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4 comments:

  1. I stumbled across your blog while searching for information on alcoholism. I wish I would have read it a few months ago as I too have been witnessing the slow death that alcohol can bring upon a person. We buried my 38 year old sister in law yesterday. She obviously fell victim to her addicition. Your blog gives a comforting view for the family members who try to help but ultimately are helpless. People tend to focus on the alcoholic and forget about the loved ones who suffer - (I believe) a lot more than the alcoholic themselves. Good luck to you.

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  2. Thanks for the comment. Yes, I think we, the victims, do suffer more than the alcoholic because we are just that, victims. We are the ones who are more conscious of the problem and alive, while alcoholics are often out of it anyway, numbed to the pain. We care more. Alcoholics have often given up.

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  3. I always lied rather than admit I was drinking,even though my wife would have been happier with an admission. I didn't like admitting that I was dependent on alcohol. I also had a lot of denial as if I saw clearly the effects of alcohol, then I might stop drinking, which I didn't want. Later, I did want to stop drinking, but didn't know how, so denial was still helpful (as it isn't pleasant to realise you can't stop killing yourself).

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  4. I understand but I wish she would stop lying. Lying is bad for her as it encourages more lies (about other areas not concerned with alcohol) and it damages the relationship. She is highly insincere and, well, plain devious. This is down to years of wriggling around the truth.

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I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.