Wednesday, 26 December 2007

Boxing Day and no boxing

The heat is off and calm returns to the home. I had a good nights sleep only I had to wind down from last night. Having the police around and the thought of what she might do and say shook me up a bit. It took me about 2 hours to wind down and normalise myself.

Everything is calm in the home now. When she's here and she is not drunk you are waiting for her to become drunk, only as she does it all secretly you learn to read the signs and boy am I good at reading the signs. More about that one later as well.

But for now, this morning it is beautiful in one way as I know where she is (hospital) and I know she is not drinking and won't drink for a while (until the next binge). So the world is "stable" again. And therefore it is calm. These are the moments just after a binge when she is in hospital or just back from hospital when things are normal. The only time things are normal.

At 9:40 am she phones from hospital. She's at one of the three hospitals that she frequents and it's nearby.

She doesn't apologise but shows signs of remorse. She huffs and puffs as if she is having difficulty speaking. She always does this when she phones from hospital. I mention the police she called out and the hell of all that. She can't remember it she says.

We had 2 police cars, 4 policemen, 1 ambulance and 2 ambulance people around last night

Terrifying and a total waste of public funds

I am still upset and tell her that I will never forgive her for this. We have not had a Christmas, as far as I can remember, when it hasn't been destroyed by her binge drinking. Remember this, she drinks more than a bottle of neat Vodka a day when she is binging - straight from the bottle. And she is not that big; she weighs about 8 stones and is skinny (because she doesn't like food - more on that later too.......)

So she sleeps a lot, as you can guess. It's over and out - she's gone. Good Bye..... - without a word said. It is as if she has just walked out the door unannounced. That's what it feels like anyway. The constant rejection from her is what it feels like.


******Her best friend is not me but her bl**dy bottle*******

It's this constant leaving me that hurts. She is still there in body, but in mind and spirit she is gone, gone, gone and it can take a couple of weeks to get over a binge so the impact is huge.

And when she does drink and speaks she is bad tempered and impossible.

4 comments:

  1. I identify with this 100 per cent, although my husband has not yet been hospitalised (not recently anyway), he has come very close (through physically injuring himself by falling). I said almost these same words to someone the other day - a recovering alcoholic sober for 11.5 years who was a close friend and former drinking buddy of my husband's - about feeling that he walks out the door without saying goodbye. Amazing.

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  2. I am a Victim..hmm I dont really like to be called that because, I am self inflicting myself with my alcoholic..Why I stay I dont know.I have missed many special occasions and have made up many excuses..Now with the New year coming after 6 years I need to find me and I will begin this New Year where it is all about myself and my family no more being his Mother..caretaker, nurse, driver..etc....I am so sad I wanted to be with him he had been sober for 16 months when I met him and when we got together he started to drink and I asked him why and his reply was because he can..Sad

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  3. Response to last comment. This is my blog and totally understand the nursing stuff. I feel like an in house nurse to her. I should be paid although I have become so pissed off now that I am not a good nurse anymore!

    Take care and good luck for the New Year

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  4. Thank You for responding and the laugh I truly understand about the Nurse thing..I have decided to begin my New Year Taking care of me I am tired of being every0ones care giver they are adults and capable of taking care of themselves but, have become so dependant on everyone else doing for them I feel it is time for them to grow up kinda like a shock and awe situation... again thanks for respoding take care of you..:)

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I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.