I am not a person who has rows. But here we are at Christmas eve and she shouted my name from her bedroom through the door, while I was on the computer. I shouted back. "f**k off". Why was I so aggressive? Simple. I've put up with her alcoholism for about 8-9 years. She has ruined every Christmas. It is as if she is programmed to go on binge at Christmas. And her binges last about 7 days on average.
When I say binge I don't mean going down to the pub for a night out - no. She buys several bottles of Vodka (normally the 75ml size) and goes to bed for the entire 7 days.
That means she is going to be out of my life for at least 2 weeks sometimes much more (more about that later).
So, she shouts at me. I know she is about to ask me t go and buy some more booze. That is why I said F off. Sometimes I buy it because it is dangerous for her go out on the street late completely drunk - she gets mugged.
But this evening I am too pissed off to be honest so NO.
She goes to the shop herself. She can't get out of the front door because it is on the latch. "Open the front door", she says. "No, I'm not going to help you, you've ruined my Christmas".
She goes out the patio door instead and over the garden in the dark. She is wearing a T-shirt. Freezing cold but she can't feel it.
I half expect her not to come back. "I hope you fall over and crack your head open", I say.
I genuinely at that moment hate her. She comes back clutching her bottle of Vodka to her chest. I shout at her when she goes into her room. She says something rude back and slams the door on me. I push it open and stare at her and say, "don't you do that to me, how dare you".
She says, "I'm going to call the police". I can see trouble ahead. She has no sense of the chaos she can cause calling out the emergency services especially when she is clean drunk. She get through a bottle plus of Vodka daily and sometimes just sleeps for days just drinking and eating biscuits (more on that later).
We fight over the phone. She wants to call the police. I convince her that I won't hit. She says she is frightened of me. She should be because I am mad, mad, mad.
But I've never hit her even though she has asked me to.