The Diary of a Victim of an Alcoholic

Alcoholism is a habit not a disease. Obviously it is a very deep-seated habit. It is probably a habit which developed over a long period of time. As a consequence it will take a long period of time to unlearn the habit. What would be a crystallising moment which helps to break the habit is the knowledge that one is going to die through alcoholism provided the alcoholic does not wish to die. That's the key. It is down to the mentality of the alcoholic. If the alcoholic is using alcoholism as a way to kill themselves then the fear of dying through alcoholism will not break the habit. It is possible to chip away at a habit, to break it down. If an alcoholic drinks less and less gradually over a period of many months then there will come a time when he/she will find alcohol objectionable. A lot of what we do are habits. If we have sugar in our tea that becomes a habit. If we then stop having sugar in our tea it tastes unpleasant for a while until it tastes fine at which point putting...

A nice person asked me to write more on this blogger site, so this is for you. I live day by day and ask few questions. It is best that way. The fact that I stayed has motivated Jane to stay sober but that does not mean she is always sober. She has had one 5 day binge since I discontinued searching for a new home. Not bad really. We came to an agreement. I would stop putting her down and she would stop drinking. It helps. Not that I was actually putting her down - perhaps occasionally but that was due to her behavior. Anyway, there is no point in finding fault; just got to look forward and stay optimistic. I have decided that living with Jane is better than living alone. If she can improve a bit it will help stabilise the relationship. She wants me to stay although she says horrible things when drunk - don't we all though? Days off are a trigger for her to drink. She plans ahead. Jane has found one (of many) technique to stay off the bottle when she has some days off (she...

This is a quick update. For the time being things are going OK. I almost walked out though. Jane had a binge about three weeks ago and I decided to leave as I said I would. I inspected properties to move into (rental) and paid a deposit. Then I backed out! When tested I just find it impossible to live alone anymore. I have lived alone a lot and I find I get depressed. Simple as that. On balance it is better with Jane and she seems to be getting better, which, if I am honest, I did not expect. It is a joint effort really. She does drink a bit still but at the moment the binges are much less often and things are more manageable. I have constantly pushed her to stop. But what I think is the defining influence at the moment in her possible improvement is not me (although I think I play a part) but the fact that her health seems to be affected. Her memory is less good. If this is due to alcoholism and I am not sure it is, it is worrying for us both. On the upside it is a great motiv...