A nice person asked me to write more on this blogger site, so this is for you. I live day by day and ask few questions. It is best that way.
The fact that I stayed has motivated Jane to stay sober but that does not mean she is always sober. She has had one 5 day binge since I discontinued searching for a new home. Not bad really.
We came to an agreement. I would stop putting her down and she would stop drinking. It helps. Not that I was actually putting her down - perhaps occasionally but that was due to her behavior.
Anyway, there is no point in finding fault; just got to look forward and stay optimistic. I have decided that living with Jane is better than living alone.
If she can improve a bit it will help stabilise the relationship. She wants me to stay although she says horrible things when drunk - don't we all though?
Days off are a trigger for her to drink. She plans ahead. Jane has found one (of many) technique to stay off the bottle when she has some days off (she does shift work). She does housework; lots of it.
This keeps her occupied and active. This distracts her from the pull to drink. She also goes for runs (30 mins and quite hard). Both these things help to deflect her brain from thinking about vodka.
Every time an alcoholic does not drink, when he or she feels like drinking, is one nail in the coffin of alcoholism. Conversely every time she succumbs to her desire to drink it is one more reinforcement activity that supports the habit of alcoholism.