The Diary of a Victim of an Alcoholic

I have decided to to give my partner a fictional name "Jane" as it is easier to type:) OK with that out the way, what is going down around here this morning? Jane (yeh, Jane is great to type.....) is still in hospital and I'm still alone getting through the Christmas food that she bought for two. As all the food is for two I am preparing it (it is convenience food) and eating it over two days by reheating the second day. Actually it tastes better the second day. Jane phoned yesterday from hospital, twice. On the first occasion I said I wasn't sure that I wanted to talk to her and that was end of the conversation. I was still mad she screwed up Christmas and called the police (see previous post - she had rung the police claiming she had been mugged, the police told me). Thats caused 2 police cars and 4 police officers and an ambulance crew to turn up. Terrifying and pure mayhem. That was all on Christmas eve and now it's all calm and lonely. On the second time she...

Is this my turn to be sick? From a photographic standpoint I just think the mess makes a nice picture sometimes. Mess does. It can form an arrangement that pleases the eye. So you can see I am getting something positive out of this mess.

The heat is off and calm returns to the home. I had a good nights sleep only I had to wind down from last night. Having the police around and the thought of what she might do and say shook me up a bit. It took me about 2 hours to wind down and normalise myself. Everything is calm in the home now. When she's here and she is not drunk you are waiting for her to become drunk, only as she does it all secretly you learn to read the signs and boy am I good at reading the signs. More about that one later as well. But for now, this morning it is beautiful in one way as I know where she is (hospital) and I know she is not drinking and won't drink for a while (until the next binge). So the world is "stable" again. And therefore it is calm. These are the moments just after a binge when she is in hospital or just back from hospital when things are normal. The only time things are normal. At 9:40 am she phones from hospital. She's at one of the three hospitals that she f...

This happens but I didn't expect it this time. At about 9:25 I hear her making a phone call. At about 9:30 pm she comes out the bedroom with a bag packed. I ask her where she is going. No answer. She leaves the flat. She kneels down in the lobby and forward (see picture). I ask her to come in. She refuses. It's cold. I bring a fleece as she is wearing T shirt. I guess she has called an ambulance. She does this sometimes as she can't stop making herself sick. But this wasn't the case this time as she had barely started to make herself sick. I hear a siren. I see 2 police cars arrive and a little later an ambulance. I stay in the flat. I hear her being hysterical and see her being helped to the ambulance. She was not in that state beforehand so this is acting. She desperately wants someone to love her but she makes you hate her. She obtains attention by creating scenes in which she is the needy person. This is a bad way of getting short term fixes of TLC. Before I get cri...

Once of the phases in the binge drinking cycle, at least from my standpoint and experience is when the binge drinker stops drinking and feeling very unwell and being predisposed towards bullimia and anorexia, makes herself sick to relieve the uncomfortable sensation. The trouble is for my partner, she tends to overdo this a bit and makes her self sick every 5 minutes for about 5 hour, sometimes,or until a doctor gives her a tranquillizer to knock her out. I mention this because the sound coming out of the room next door is coughing. It's the first time during this binge that I have heard it and it is a sure sign she is about to start a sickness bout. About 10 minutes or so before she "coughed" (actually she was coughing because she had just stuck her hand down her throat - that would make you cough wouldn't it), she went (tottered) to the kitchen to get some liquid (flavored water). She uses this to help her be sick and to be sick on something as there is no food in h...