Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Alcoholic Partner and Codependency
Clown Fish and Sea Anemone a symbiotic relationship - photo published under Wikimedia Commons - author Janderk
I don't do any reading when I write these posts so this one about an Alcoholic Partner and Codependency comes straight from my head (or bottom). It occurred to me that codependency need not be one alcoholic to another, which I take it is the most common form in the alcoholic world. It might be that one partner is the alcoholic and the other not an alcoholic. But the one who is not is still dependent on the alcoholic partner. Under these circumstances, the question that is thrown up, is why is the non-alcoholic dependent on the alcoholic?
This is my reason. It is simply down to practicalities as nearly all these situations are, ultimately. It is about survival at a basic level. The alcoholic will find it difficult to sustain a partnership with someone for obvious reasons. The other person will have some sort of defect (and we all, I believe have some sort of defect somewhere) that makes a "normal" (are there such things?) relationship difficult to sustain as well. It need not be because of the dreaded drink, there are numerous other reasons.
Out of necessity the two will get on. This benefits both. The relationship is symbiotic just like the symbiotic relationships we see on TV. Symbiosis usually refers to a close beneficial relationship between animals of different species but in this instance it is between animals of the same species, the human.
Chris Croker talks about the cause of co-dependency as being based upon a dislike of ourselves. I agree that that is one cause. But I would argue that people are programmed to be with people, to live in a partnership just as many thousands (but not all) animals are. It is this calling to a partnership that drives people who have deficiencies to find a way forward, drawing two people with defects together to make something less defective. That is what is behind Alcoholic Partner and Codependency.
Alcoholic Partner and Co-dependency to Crossing the Wire