Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Alcoholic Partner and Codependency

Clown Fish and Sea Anemone a symbiotic relationship - photo published under Wikimedia Commons - author Janderk

I don't do any reading when I write these posts so this one about an Alcoholic Partner and Codependency comes straight from my head (or bottom). It occurred to me that codependency need not be one alcoholic to another, which I take it is the most common form in the alcoholic world. It might be that one partner is the alcoholic and the other not an alcoholic. But the one who is not is still dependent on the alcoholic partner. Under these circumstances, the question that is thrown up, is why is the non-alcoholic dependent on the alcoholic?

This is my reason. It is simply down to practicalities as nearly all these situations are, ultimately. It is about survival at a basic level. The alcoholic will find it difficult to sustain a partnership with someone for obvious reasons. The other person will have some sort of defect (and we all, I believe have some sort of defect somewhere) that makes a "normal" (are there such things?) relationship difficult to sustain as well. It need not be because of the dreaded drink, there are numerous other reasons.

Out of necessity the two will get on. This benefits both. The relationship is symbiotic just like the symbiotic relationships we see on TV. Symbiosis usually refers to a close beneficial relationship between animals of different species but in this instance it is between animals of the same species, the human.

Chris Croker talks about the cause of co-dependency as being based upon a dislike of ourselves. I agree that that is one cause. But I would argue that people are programmed to be with people, to live in a partnership just as many thousands (but not all) animals are. It is this calling to a partnership that drives people who have deficiencies to find a way forward, drawing two people with defects together to make something less defective. That is what is behind Alcoholic Partner and Codependency.

Alcoholic Partner and Co-dependency to Crossing the Wire


  1. As one of your devout followers ..
    What can i say? You thought most of it out. I'm sure there is something to add. But you are much the wiser.

    What i would say i couldn't say cuz you are so beautiful i wouldn't want to hurt you in any way. And you have already said it in one way or another anyway to some extent.

    But anyway, I feel for you and me and all the sufferings there are.

    Damn! OK, i have to say this: the more you hang around certain individuals the more they rub off on you. I try desperately to maintain a positive image around my loved ones, husband, kids (and go to a different room to veg if i have to) so I don't rub my crap on them. Just make sure you get something positive back. Or leave while the leaving is good (b4 kids, of course Jane doesn't sound like she's gonna have kids anytime soon) but think about it. Maybe you want kids? One failed relationship (or two) shouldn't change it. You are incredible enough and you know urself, i hope.
    Do you *really* want feedback from people? I would think a published diary equals yes. Hugs and deep thoughts ur way namaste

  2. Hi n, thanks for your comment. It is much appreciated, believe me. There are so many thankless things we do so it is nice, very nice, to get your comment. And, of course, I agree with you. An individual's behavior does rub off. This worries me actually. Negativity is like a virus and it is hard sometimes for me to maintain a positive attitude. Jane says I am depressed! You bet!! But seriously, it is more a melancholy about the world and my predicament. I don't feel like a victim. I don't act like a victim. I just feel melancholy about the pain suffered by many millions of people and animals (I feel for the animals more to be honest as they are so innocent). Thanks once again and good luck.



I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.