This is an update. Aren't all the posts update?! I think (just think without any optimism as you can't be optimistic about alcoholism) that Jane might be getting better.What gives me a bit of hope? The other morning, she volunteered some information. She said that she had taken a bottle of wine (that was in the fridge for me!), opened it and then decided not to drink it. She said that she had thought how it would affect me and our cats. WOW.
I have always said to her that there must be a moment, perhaps 30 seconds in duration, during which she has a choice to drink or not and at that critical time, this time, she has decided to not drink. This shows a conscience piece of decision making rather than blindly giving in to her addiction. That must be a good sign surely?
Well, I hope so and I think she feels good about what she did. I believe that the habit of drinking alcohol can be unlearnt gradually. As the months roll by without drinking the habit gradually fades. It is there and can be reactivated but as long as one stays off it the weaker the desire becomes thereby making it more manageable.
I am hoping. I do though expect many more disappointments before it can be confirmed that Jane's alcoholism is under control. And I am ready for failure.
If this is an alcoholism stage it is the penultimate stage on the road to recovery.
That is good. I'm kind of wondering, however, if she is an alchi, why have the shit around? My SO doesn't drink at all and knows better than to have the shit in the fridge cuz i would drink it in a second. Then again, we don't have liquor stores in walking distance, being in a rural area. Who knows ...
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I've got a problem.....
Do you base present behavior on past behavior and punish people for it?
I was at a county fair and got arrested for drunk in public. They would normally dismiss this case but I have a prior of DUI. The police report is a joke and I paid an attorney $1800 to take this to a suppression motion. Yet, the DA is pushing this thing, offered me a plea bargain to take a 12 week program where I would have to drive 30 min each way AND go to AA meetings once a week. This doesn't sound so bad, but if you live in the country side and don't have a driver's license, it's horrible. Plus I didn't do what is in the 647 (f) law - California. This all started with me pissing off an acquaintance, due to religious differences, at least that is my theory, cuz there aren't any witnesses in the police report.
But anyways, the DA pushes this because of my DUI. There is nothing I did that stands out for a drunk in public, other than the usual 'copy and paste' shit ... Watery eyes, etc.
I was really trying hard to get over shit. It's like once you are DAMNED you have to even be better than normal. That's I guess, what I share here. You have to be even 'better' than normal to be normal if that's where you want to go....
Sorry, forgot to sign the above post....it's Linda in Pa. As you know, I've been following your blog for years and hope it's published somehow, someway, someday to help others like you, Mr. Fox.
ReplyDeleteOkay, well I signed it but my original post doesn't seem to be here. What I wanted to say is that it does sound like Jane is getting better and I think maybe she's has come to the realization that she wants her life and health back and is tired of the abuse from alcohol.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that after one has made up his/her mind not to drink, it doesn't matter if it's in the house or who else is drinking, it's just a personal decision she has made for herself not to do it.
Like a divorce, when you're done you're done and that's that. I hope she is divorcing Mr. V.
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ReplyDeleteHi Nora and Linda, thanks for the comments. As you can tell it is a roller coaster ride of survival for both of us. One minute good and the next bad. I have hope still. But lets me honest there will be plenty of bad to come.
ReplyDeleteI do like a glass of wine and rarely Jane takes some of it. But I don't want to stops as it gives me some pleasure and there is not much of that.
Jane much prefers spirits, particularly vodka as she needs the kick it gives. Wine is too weak for her. She also buys it and drinks it secretly. Taking my wine cannot be done secretly as I am bound to notice. This puts her off drinking it.
By Blog's author.
Your blog has helped me to deal with my husbands drinking problem with kinder eyes. I can't fix him, and that is okay. His drinking has given me the motivation to take better care of myself.
ReplyDeleteThe saddest realization I had was almost losing my home because the money was needed for the drink. I love him and now I will love me and support myself to make sure this doesn't happen again.
And will keep loving him.
It's all I can do.
Thank you for sharing! I am experiencing many up's and down. I wish you both strength and courage.
ReplyDeleteIt is a massive roller coaster. One day it is hopeless the next there is some light as you can tell.
ReplyDeleteYou really should not keep booze in the house! Ever. Why on earth would you drink at home when your partner shouldn't?
ReplyDelete