The Diary of a Victim of an Alcoholic

One of the great destroyers of alcoholism is that it breeds lying. Lying to oneself and others. Lying about not drinking, about not feeling like a drink, about buying booze, about planning to drink or anything for that matter because once you lie to hide your alcoholism you lie about other things and the alcoholic becomes an inveterate liar. A dark walk in a forest of lies. Trust is the victim and the fallout is the relationship. I have learned to accept Jane's lying about her drinking. It is pointless because I know with absolute certainty when she is lying. It is like understanding a new language. I translate what she says into the truth. I bugs the hell out of me though. Jane is the only person I have allowed to lie to me and still have a relationship with them. It's because I love her. I beg her to stop lying. I beg her to just tell me the way it is, unvarnished. She can't do it because she is also lying to herself. She can't accept her alcoholism. She is deluded ...

Just a quick update for anyone who is following this blog. I am sure no one is but there you are. I'll update anyway. You may well know who I am by now but I don't really care if you do. Jane is okay. She's had the usual binge but they are further apart than in the past. She's pretty healthy. Binging does not damage health as much as permanent drinking as the body has time to recover.  Except...Jane binges bigtime and has accidents. I won't go into details but there is a distinct possibility that she could harm herself badly on one of her alcoholic binges. Or get into trouble with the police. We still see each other almost daily. I'll be meeting her today in about 30 minutes. We'll have a chat, have a coffee and go for a walk by the river. In the summer we walk in the beautiful Richmond Park. These are good for her and me. She likes them. Nature is a great healer . It pours balm on the troubled brain. Walk in nature, among the trees. Listen to t...