One of the great destroyers of alcoholism is that it breeds lying. Lying to oneself and others. Lying about not drinking, about not feeling like a drink, about buying booze, about planning to drink or anything for that matter because once you lie to hide your alcoholism you lie about other things and the alcoholic becomes an inveterate liar. A dark walk in a forest of lies.
Trust is the victim and the fallout is the relationship. I have learned to accept Jane's lying about her drinking. It is pointless because I know with absolute certainty when she is lying. It is like understanding a new language. I translate what she says into the truth.
I bugs the hell out of me though. Jane is the only person I have allowed to lie to me and still have a relationship with them. It's because I love her. I beg her to stop lying. I beg her to just tell me the way it is, unvarnished. She can't do it because she is also lying to herself. She can't accept her alcoholism. She is deluded about it. That's my little insight into why she lies and can't stop.
I bugs the hell out of me though. Jane is the only person I have allowed to lie to me and still have a relationship with them. It's because I love her. I beg her to stop lying. I beg her to just tell me the way it is, unvarnished. She can't do it because she is also lying to herself. She can't accept her alcoholism. She is deluded about it. That's my little insight into why she lies and can't stop.
Many years later in 2024, she still lies just the same way and it still bugs me and I still accept it - just. It has infiltrated her life and is part of her life. It is also a symptom of anxiety and uncertainty. A lack of confidence which comes from a lack of self-esteem which is a characteristic of alcoholics.
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I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.