Saturday, 29 October 2011

Never Be Right

It will never be right. I guess that is obvious. It is obvious to me but I have learnt to put up with it - until I just can't take anymore. Jane is at the end of the line at work with her absenteeism and with me. If she binges again it could push both me and her employers over the edge. She probably wouldn't get another job.

One of the many problems is that Jane binges when she is off work. So from my perspective she is either at work when I can't do things with her or drunk in bed when I can't do things with her. In practice I am almost living alone already.

The number of great days she has missed is enormous. Sunny, beautiful days when we could have gone out and done something really nice. Instead she has wallowed in her own urine and feces in her moldy bed with empty bottles scattered all around. The whole room pongs to high heaven after she has been binging for five days.

And that is another point. The whole home starts to smell because the horrible smell that she creates leaks out of her room no matter what I do. I have tried sealing up the door but I have to get in to feed her (if I am in the mood).

Jane was good yesterday evening. We actually went out to a local club. It worked. Yet today she has started to drink because she is off for two days and that is a good time for a mini binge. Trouble is mini binges have a habit of becoming maxi binges.

One last point tonight. Jane still drinks secretly. I never see her drink. She still denies that she is drinking when it is obvious that she is. These are signs that she is not a recovering alcoholic but a full blown one. It is only when an alcoholic admits it and opens up that they can begin the journey back to normality. Jane still deceives herself.

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I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.