|Photo by amalia▲chimera|
You know when you watch sport on the TV and the commentator says that the person about to take a penalty in a soccer match is the best penalty taker in the business. What happens next? Yep, he misses the penalty. Sods law or the kiss of death by commentary.
I won't, therefore, say that Jane is controlling her alcoholism. I won't even say that she is beginning to control her alcoholism. But reading between the lines you might get the message that I am trying to convey.
Jane has been good for about 5 months. That does not mean no drink. It does mean control over it. There is still work to do. For example, Jane is always secretive about her drinking. Only she forgets that alcohol affects you and that it is noticeable to someone else. I always know when she has had a drink, even a small amount so to deny it or drink secretively is pointless. That does not stop her denying it and drinking secretively.
How does an alcoholic control their alcoholism? There are experts on this. I am not an expert, just a victim of an alcoholic. However, I'd say that one key factor in controlling alcoholism is the application of rational thought to what is going on. Alcoholism damages everything: health, wealth and family. Once the alcoholic firmly gets that and the brain processes it properly it creates an obstacle to the next alcoholic binge.
Another factor is having someone like me who can apply rational thought to the problem, keep hammering away at it and provide some hope for the future. If there is a reward for not drinking and if that reward is greater than the immediate reward from drinking, then the application of rational thought can control alcoholism. But you have to do it for about 15 years.
Over the course of these years, I have tried to escape and been in turmoil. I have stuck around for one reason or another. At the moment, I am pleased I did. Nothing is certain. But I have a tiny ray of hope in my heart.
Update, the next day: Jane hit the bottle last night and stayed in bed all day! She is in bed right now. Failure to be a decent partner. Lies and bad behavior. Sods law kicked in it seems. It's always the way. This post highlights the hope and despair, the ups and downs that you suffer when you live with and love an alcoholic. You get ups and downs in all relationships but in this sort of one it is amplified.
Update 2 days after: I mentioned to Jane that it is very upsetting to me when she is drunk and what she says when she is drunk. I said it hurts me. She said, "it doesn't stop me". She doesn't think about the fact that it will hurt me before drinking that is the point. Back to the argument above. If an alcoholic can stop to think before drinking it should put the brakes on it. I am not saying it will stop it but it will be a resistance to it. People who drink socially know that they have a limit otherwise the downside (hangover etc.) outweighs the upside. That is how the brain controls intake of booze.
Associated: Alcoholism and death.