|Vodka bottles - post edited by me - original by Scorpions and Centaurs|
I say to Jane, "You are awful when you are drunk. You lie and sneak booze in to the home. You lie in bed for days on end in your mess, piss and crap. You fall over when you go to the loo and injure yourself. This scares me. Your bedroom stinks. You are horrible."....and so on...! I add the odd swear word as you might imagine.
Jane says, "I know but I can't help it". Then she says, "I know you love me deep down...in your own way"..
All of it - true. So she can't help it. I guess we all knew that. It is called addiction. Sometimes in the past her family would ask. "what brought on this last binge?".
I would reply, "addiction to alcohol". It is that simple at its core. Of course there are a lot of subtle psychological problems that gradually drive someone to drinking alcohol to excess which leads to addiction. But it is the addiction that then takes over and becomes free-standing.
At that point, the point that you cross the wire and can never go back, the underlying psychological reasons are almost irrelevant. It is just about gradually eroding and chipping away at the addiction to the effects of ethanol alcohol. Of course you have to deal with the underlying problems too, to prevent addiction reoccurring. The problem becomes layered.
"What do you like about alcohol?" I ask Jane. "The rush", she replies. The kind of rush you get if you drink a miniature bottle or two of neat vodka. It hits after about 20 minutes and you fall asleep not longer afterward, "I feel tired, I don't know why.." Jane says. I know why, I say to myself but I don't tell her, no point.
We both can't help it. Her addiction to booze and my love for her. I have a weakness to. It is an uncontrollable sensitivity to the vulnerable that I need to help. I believe this comes from being vulnerable and abused myself as a young person.