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I can't tell people the exact nature of Jane's injury from her overdose because that would be unfair and I can't say much about the overdose but it did cause an injury to one of her legs which has left her disabled and in constant heavy pain. It may repair itself and it may not.
This has cause considerable extra stress in the home. And the injury and constant pain has put considerable extra pressure on Jane. But an unexpected benefit is that Jane has lost some of her desire to drink. This may be because she has a new purpose: to get well again.
If that is the case, it tells us something about alcoholism. Purpose, a reason for living, is a way of dissipating the desire to consume alcohol. If that assessment is true, we could say that alcoholics are living aimless lives. They are bored and unhappy. They lack direction and need a purpose.
It is far from being as simple as that but it may be one factor. This is certainly the case with Jane. You would have thought that the extra stress and massive amounts of pain would create a desire to drink, to block things out etc. But no, the opposite has occured.
Jane has had a couple of blips, mini-binges but nothing disastrous. In respect of our relationship though the overdose and injury on top of the years of alcoholism has damaged the relationship further. It is all but dead.
I am considered a carer by people in social services. I feel like a carer. I always have actually, at least on occasions. I have always felt like a live-in nurse to a certain extent. That is not just me. All people who are not alcoholics who live with an alcoholic will probably feel like a carer from time to time.
Although Jane's leg injury occurred about 6 months ago, the recovery might take 2 years (if she recovers at all). This is a terrible mental burden. Then there is the financial side of things. It is all very difficult for Jane. It creates panic and despair.
I know the hospitals in this country better than most having visited Jane so often. I'll just say this. After a while, I had to get her out of hospital because they were pretty well killing her.
I am extremely thankful to read this post, to know that you and Jane are both alive...even if not well. I've been checking here every day for an update, and saw one today...I really hope that you will gain some peace soon. I know that in the past, I've had to be cared for by my boyfriend b/c of my drinking, and to hear the other side is heartbreaking. Do you think if/when Jane heals, you two could live some semblance of a happy life ever? I've stopped the binge drinking and make every attempt to have a peaceful night when we DO drink (only together, never apart).We are happy.
ReplyDeleteI pray for you... just that you make the one life you have as happy & peaceful as you can.
Until your next post..
Relieved to see you both still around. Will keep checking this sight. the more we/you/others look at this “condition” the more perplexing it becomes. Best wishes to all who are touched by this. I lost my brother over a year ago and know that i'll never come to terms with how i was unable to help him, and maybe sometimes, made things worse with my frustration and anger. nyone else who has a loved one inflicted by this, my advice is to always stay in touch with your compassion if you possibly can - it is hard.
ReplyDeleteI just took a chance to see if you had posted recently and am also glad to see that you are both still with the living. So sorry about Jane's injury and I know how difficult it is for an alcoholic to have the willpower to try to get well in any sense. I lost my nephew last July and prior to that, he had so so many falls, injuries, dislocated shoulders, etc. I could go on and on. I am very glad that her injury has given her a new purpose. I do think feeling like they have no purpose is depressing and of course, being drunk doesn't allow you to have much of a purpose. I guess it's a circular thing. Please take care of yourself. I know you can expend so much of yourself taking care of someone else that it feels like there isn't anything left. Take time for yourself. No matter how much you love someone (or feel responsible, or sorry or any number of things) this is the only life you get. I hope that you have peace in your life and hope and happiness in your tomorrows. Keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteAre you there? It's almost July now. The alcoholic in my life is my brother, who is physically disabled and lives near me. As he doesn't drive, he catches a ride to the supermarket with me once a week. The local supermarket just refused to sell him his weekly vodka supply. I told him this was his problem, not mine, and I wouldn't buy his vodka for him. But he's the only family I have left (I'm 62), and I don't want him to die of DTs, either. Trying to sort out what's legitimate compassion/help for disabled sibling, and what's enabling. Not as clear as Al-Alanon makes it sound. Good luck and strength to you. And to us all.
ReplyDeleteHope all is as well as can be and that things are hopeful.
ReplyDeletePlease can we have an update on how things are for you and Jane, I check regularly but there has been no update for some time. I am hoping things are better for you.
ReplyDeleteI'll post something soon. Thanks for asking.
DeleteHoping all is well and waiting to hear hopeful news.
ReplyDeleteI will do something soon. I just don't want to do it really but I should do it. There is some news. Thanks for asking.
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