Just a quick note to say Jane has been found. It was a false alarm. She had binged. Some misinformation was provided by a hospital, which caused a lot of distress and wasted time. I won't go into detail but it was a bad 4 days.
photo copyright crowolf published under a creative commons license kindly granted. These 2 ignominiously go together - Alcoholism and Death . Just after Jane's mini-binge (believe me it was a very minor binge by her standards) of about 20 hours she felt, as usual, suicidal. Jane always feels huge remorse and regret after a binge. She feels bad about letting herself down and bad about messing me around (although it wasn't that bad to be honest - it did though mess up what could have been some time together, which we are lacking at the moment due to work). Jane really does genuinely feel suicidal after a binge. But I must say I don't think she'll ever do it. She hasn't got the courage - I know that sounds horrendously cruel etc etc but this blog is about the plain truth unvarnished. It takes courage to kill yourself and a lots of despair. Jane has the one but not the other. Anyway to get more positive. We had a little talk and I in my usual style, mentioned...
Sorry to hear about Jane's downward dance. I've been reading your blog for some time and have commented before so now I have to ask: does she realize how bad off she is? does she realize that the pancreatitis can't be a good sign? I wonder if she realizes what she has become. Keeping my fingers crossed for better days..for you and her.
ReplyDeleteShe is somewhat in denial. She always tries to hide her drinking even after all these years which is not good because you have to admit it before you can cure it. She is very embarrassed about it. She tends to mislead even doctors to hide her drinking. That is my assessment. Pancreatitis is serious. It has happened several times before. It can be fatal and it can cause diabetes and so on. I think she knows this but knowing it does not stop her drinking. When the urge comes everything goes out the window.
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