Skip to main content

She Wants to Die

Jane wants to die. She has desired this for many years. She continues to drink. Just to remind you, she is a binge drinker. This means that she does not drink continuously like most alcoholics but pauses between binges of about a week. The pause until the next binge maybe a month or maybe less. The binge itself may be longer than a week or less. She drinks need vodka normally. Out of the bottle.

She has written a new will quite recently. She has told me that she is preparing for her death. She has not told me how she will end her life. Today I can't reach her. She may be ill or she may be drunk. The third possibility is that she may be dead.

She is suffering from associated illnesses such as nerve damage in her left leg due to an attempted suicide. I won't go into details but that is causing problems and I think you will find on the Internet that sometimes an excess of alcohol in the body can stop the pancreas working (and of course it also causes chronic pancreatitis) which can lead to a temporary state of diabetes. This also may have had an impact upon her health but as mentioned I won't go into details on this.

As usual, alcoholism pretty well almost always kills you one way and another. It causes illnesses, it causes the sufferer to have accidents which can kill him or her. It is associated with depression and low self-esteem. These two psychological influences lead to attempts to end their lives.

In short, it seems to me that most alcoholics have foreshortened lives. And I am, if I'm to be brutally honest, awaiting her death. It is stressful and upsetting. I can't do anything about it but wait and do my best to make her happy. She said that I had succeeded because she had changed your mind about ending her life but in a weak moment, alone, these thoughts may come back. Alcoholics are vulnerable to their own negative thoughts. Low self-esteem does that. They might like to be a victim and in having that desire they create scenarios were they really are the victim.

So this quick post is really saying that I am awaiting the find out whether Jane is in hospital, drunk and asleep, or dead.

I have stopped making these posts but restarted because of these recent developments which are negative and depressing. Alcoholism is inherently negative and depressing. It is nihilistic.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Alcoholism Signs For Family

If a person regularly falls asleep just after breakfast she is possibly an alcoholic. This is because she has had more than a stiff drink early in the morning. Although, alcoholism signs for the family are hard to spot in my experience. What is my experience? It's being the partner and now (2008) a "live in partner" of an alcoholic for about 9 years. Update: I am still her partner but no longer living with her in 2024 which is 16 years after this page was first written! The first section of this article is by me based on experience. The second part is by Bing's Co-pilot after researching the internet. At the end of the article are some pointers as to whether the person in question is an alcoholic. When I first met Jane I didn't know that she was an alcoholic. At that moment in time I was an innocent to the world of alcoholism. It took me about 3 months to realize that she was an alcoholic. What lead me to this revelation? When I didn't know she was an alcohol...

Alcoholism and Death

photo copyright crowolf published under a creative commons license kindly granted. These 2 ignominiously go together - Alcoholism and Death . Just after Jane's mini-binge (believe me it was a very minor binge by her standards) of about 20 hours she felt, as usual, suicidal. Jane always feels huge remorse and regret after a binge. She feels bad about letting herself down and bad about messing me around (although it wasn't that bad to be honest - it did though mess up what could have been some time together, which we are lacking at the moment due to work). Jane really does genuinely feel suicidal after a binge. But I must say I don't think she'll ever do it. She hasn't got the courage - I know that sounds horrendously cruel etc etc but this blog is about the plain truth unvarnished. It takes courage to kill yourself and a lots of despair. Jane has the one but not the other. Anyway to get more positive. We had a little talk and I in my usual style, mentioned...

Alcoholism is a Disease

1904 Advertisement I have always wondered if alcoholism is a disease . Is this just some sort of idea someone dreamed up years ago as a method to make a buck. You know it could have been that way. People think diseases are either curable or that the symptoms can be controlled to an extent where the person can live pretty normally. The signal sent to alcoholics by the idea that alcoholism is a disease is, "I can be cured by a pill" or "there is hope". And they go off and search for a cure to this mysterious disease...... It may be a disease, though. What is the definition of "disease"? It is an abnormal condition that impairs bodily functions with accompanying symptoms (after Wikipedia). Or here is another definition: An alteration of the state of the body or parts of it interrupting normal function (mine after ThinkExist.com). These are broad definitions. We usually think of diseases as say a virus that infects us and causes illness; the common cold is t...