I am both sympathetic and unsympathetic towards alcoholics

You have to be sympathetic towards alcoholics because there but for the grace of God go I. Alcoholism is described as a disease. I don't think that it is. It is a very strong habit, almost impossible to shake off. But humans are predisposed to this sort of condition. Anybody can be born with this predisposition towards alcoholism. 

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Humankind is quite a messed up species of creature. Clearly, a large segment of society finds life intolerable and therefore they need to get out of it, remove themselves from it. Alcoholism does it for them only the downside after the upside is enormous. The downside is far worse than the upside but alcoholics never quite digest that simple fact.

So we have to be sympathetic towards alcoholics. They damage their lives and they can't control their lives and they hate the world. I understand it completely but fortunately I don't have that problem (although I hate the human world sometimes). And if you don't have that problem but love an alcoholic you have a problem. When they are drunk they are hateful. They lie terribly and transparently. They deceive themselves into believing that you believe their lies.

Their lying breaks the trust between you. Their alcoholism is self-destructive which creates worry and anxiety in people who love them. The people who love them want them to stop but they won't and they can't. No doubt there will be other diaries on the Internet written by relatives and friends of alcoholics. Everyone of them will demonstrate an anguish and a continual pain because the person they love is destroying themselves. There is almost nothing more painful.

This pain leads to a hatred of the alcoholic. Well, it can lead to a hatred but the love overcomes it so you love the alcoholic but sometimes you hate their behaviour. Torture. You become unsympathetic and simply want rid of this nuisance in your life. Sometimes you don't even mind if they kill themselves and as they are often suicidal they proclaim to you that they want to do it. It is all so tortuous and uncomfortable sometimes.

And if you love a binge alcoholic, in between these dire moments of distress and destruction there are periods of delight and sunshine. You forget until the next darkness envelopes the relationship.