The Diary of a Victim of an Alcoholic

Briefly (as I am about to go to the gym with Jane) here is an example of how a bad alcoholic experience can generate some good. Some time ago Jane found herself in hospital after a binge and had an unnecessary appendix operation (she had stomach pains) that went wrong causing real health problems with breathing and cognitive abilities. This has kick started a training regime to regain her health. How good is that? As I go to a gym attached to a really good hospital every Friday, she is joining me this morning. OK, once a week is not much but it is better than nothing and if done consistently over a long period real benefits can be accrued. For Jane it is very important. Not just going to a gym but the whole process of being positive and improving health. It is great for her self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a factor in alcoholism. Hard exercise has a fantastic effect on the state of the mind as well as the body. You feel better, more up for the challenges of the day. This is...

Is it possible to turn around alcoholism? You may have heard of the The Priory Hospital Roehampton. It is about 20 minutes walk from where I live. Jane has been there a few times. She was there for a month or so many years ago. The whole thing was paid for out of health insurance. Personally I don't have a lot of faith is places like the Priory Hospitals. They make a lot out of health insurance, pushing the premiums up. People who have attended the Priory (and a good number of famous people have attended the Roehampton branch) say that the success rate is very low. I forget the figure but lets say if 100 alcoholics attended The Priory Hospital Roehampton on a full blown course intended to stop the addiction, about 5 might stop - 5%. It is something like that or even less. For the hospital, which is private by the way and therefore heavily commercial in culture, it is more about milking the insurance companies than curing addicts. On that basis, the chances of turning around...

This is a quick update. For the time being things are going OK. I almost walked out though. Jane had a binge about three weeks ago and I decided to leave as I said I would. I inspected properties to move into (rental) and paid a deposit. Then I backed out! When tested I just find it impossible to live alone anymore. I have lived alone a lot and I find I get depressed. Simple as that. On balance it is better with Jane and she seems to be getting better, which, if I am honest, I did not expect. It is a joint effort really. She does drink a bit still but at the moment the binges are much less often and things are more manageable. I have constantly pushed her to stop. But what I think is the defining influence at the moment in her possible improvement is not me (although I think I play a part) but the fact that her health seems to be affected. Her memory is less good. If this is due to alcoholism and I am not sure it is, it is worrying for us both. On the upside it is a great motiv...

Parallel Universe -that is where I am - photo by yhancik If you have been an alcoholic for say 30 years and are say about mid fifties, I believe that you are more likely to become a worse alcoholic if you are not so called "recovering" (a euphemism for managing to control it - just). This, I feel, is the case with Jane. Her binges are slightly different. There is more an air that she has given up. And giving up is not the thing to do if you are an alcoholic. As I write this she is in the 8th day of a binge. As a reminder, for her, a binge is: to lie in bed almost permanently to consume about one 75 ml bottle of vodka per day (wine bottle size) ( update: this means 75 cl or a wine bottle size) to eat extremely little to lose weight (she is a poor eater and thin anyway) to make herself sick to sleep in an horrendous smelly mess to make death rattle noises in the night to give me the feeling that I am living with a corpse to go out to the shops to buy more booz...

I wonder if there is such a thing as fit alcoholics? Sounds absurd and it is all relative. But one thing for sure is that Jane is running in a charity race tomorrow and it is a 5 kilometer race. Jane has been training for it and I (the world's master trainer :-) have been supervising nutrition and training! Jane can certainly run much further than me. She can do the 5 k distance in about 35 minutes. Now that is pretty damn good for an alcoholic!! I actually think that the purpose and target that training for a race such as this imposes on the person is good for an alcoholic. It injects a distraction and a focus. These are very important as in my experience alcoholics (and non-alcoholics of course) can tend to drift a bit and think negatively. A more positive outlook and a goal helps to clear the mind and drive out the demons. It also helps to delay or at least put a temporary break on alcoholic binges. This is particularly the case if the race is a charity event with people sponsor...

Emptiness born out of continual disappointment - photo by Tch0la =) Alcoholics disappoint all the time. It happens over and over again. As a victim of an alcoholic you think that you can start living even a little bit normally. Just a little bit of normality is all you ask. It is all you crave. And when you think that you are getting there, bang, she screws up again. Jane hardly ever keeps her word. She will promise and never deliver. These are the ways of alcoholics. Or at least the one I am living with. But I think it is pretty normal across the board. Alcoholics disappoint in part because they are constantly being driven by the first priority in their life: where and when to get the next drink. This rules their lives. They probably hate it but I reckon most don't even have an opinion on it. Their mind is full of the desire for that first rush after the neat vodka hits the brain. And then they can't resist the urge to repeat it. Jane does this until she falls asleep. Jane pr...

Photo by nicdalic How to help an alcoholic? It is almost impossible. Or at least it seems like it. They all say that in the end it is down to the alcoholic to decide to stop and that is correct, obviously. But, and here is the good bit, there are things that can be done that lead the alcoholic down a route during which he or she develops an awareness of the alcoholism, develops a strengthened mind to combat it and shifts away from alcoholic habits. Because a lot of alcoholism is down to routine and habits. Unless the alcoholic is drinking all the time (continuously), the brain starts thinking about alcohol at a certain time because in the past on countless previous occasions the person drank alcohol at that time after, before or during a certain type of event. To change drinking habits is as long a process as becoming an alcoholic. It may take years and probably will. Over the years before becoming an alcoholic a person would have drunk alcohol in small doses and gradually wanted and t...