Having an alcoholic partner who is perhaps in recovery (optimistic?) means that I get to discuss Jane's AA meetings. Once upon a time many years ago she said that she didn't find AA useful and that it didn't suit her.Since I pushed her to try again (yeh I'm boasting a bit) and since she participates (I push her on that too) she has found it a bit of a life line.
AA can work I think if the people attending both give and receive in equal amounts. The whole arrangement is then in balance. Also, giving is probably a more effective healing process for the alcoholic as it boosts the self-esteem which in invariably very low. It makes you feel more important if others rely on you.
Jane has through her discussion with other recovered alcoholics at AA meetings begun to look at herself and her behavior as an alcoholic. It is really great to realize that she is being told things by other participants the same things that I have told her. This is making her think about herself and her actions. It seems that this is happening for the first time in her life.
We all tend to think we are better then we are. There was a time when I thought I was a nice person :) You realise that we are all good and bad. Jane is getting the message and her behavior has improved. She used to be extremely argumentative and provocative (and she wouldn't let you finish your sentence).
Things are changing. Try AA and participate, above all give to others and feel good about yourself. It helps in the struggle to stop.
Photo copyright and By Demona
From Alcoholic Parter to Alcoholic Chat
I am sadly disappointed with AA at this point in time. My husband of 15 years has left me recently for another member of AA. She is married as well, and literally overnight, the two of them have gotten an apartment and are using together. They are enabling each other. Their home group has admonished them for this behavior, yet they continue on. I just want to scream. My husband was struggling but I was supportive of his struggle. I did everything I could to let him know that while I didn't know what he was going through, I was his wife and friend and would help in any way I could. At least we had the bond of trust between us. Now, he has totally abandoned me and won't even take my calls, won't answer my text messages, but tells our circle of friends that he's with a new woman. I don't get it. I'm told to just stay away, be absent, and I am having such a hard time with that. Any advice, words of wisdom from the more experienced?
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am sorry to hear your story. Second, I can see how that can happen as AA is very much a club environment and people get friendly and are sometimes in a weak state emotionally.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I find your husband's behavior appalling and a gross breach of trust. Even more so as it is very difficult for us, partners and victims of alcoholics. We give a lot. To get what you have got in return is sickening.
It is strange but I have a slight fear myself of the same thing happening to me. AA is as I said very "clubby" friendly and supportive one member to another, a breading ground for affairs.
I can't offer any more but to say alcoholics are in my experience utterly unreliable and bl**dy good liars. We just have to put up and get on.
I am not qualified to give advice, but funnily enough I was some years ago, as I used to be a divorce solicitor.
Good luck.