Skip to main content

Alcoholic Partner

My Alcoholic Partner is getting better. There is hope for all victims of alcoholics. I have stuck by her because at heart I love her. I sometimes think that I am better than most other people - I am not. It's just my ego coming out. We are all flawed to varying degrees. I am no better than her but she is damaged (as am I).

For many years I had given up hope of her being "cured" of her alcoholism. I had grown to accept it as an inconvenience. Although it took about 8 years to get to that exalted state of mind. Of course you can only control alcoholism but it can be controlled permanently and I am beginning to think that she can do this. She has been sober for 90 days. I have said in earlier posts that I thought she was sneaking a drink while out running. This may be true but I am changing my mind on this.

The next hurdle will be to maintain discipline and keep going to AA after the initial 90 day period. We have agreed that she should keep going. At the moment she is looking for a job so when she gets work it will be harder and she may fall again. There will be falls and successes. In the end I feel that she may now win this battle.

Picture of Ben Hope copyright Harry Willis

Alcoholic Partner to AA spirituality

Comments

  1. I too married an alcoholic. I did not realize at the time that he was an alcoholic because my concept of an alcoholic was someone who drank all the time and could not work. This man was a functioning alcoholic. He worked every day. Anyone outside of his immediate family perceived him as the nicest person that you could ever meet. But to his family, he was a mean, vicious nightmare. Some of his behavior was predictable, but at the same time some was very unpredictable. I tried several times, with the help of his grown children, to get him into some kind of rehab program. I too loved him and wanted to help him. He refused to believe that he had a problem. I tried to leave him several times but he would stalk and harrass me on my job and would also harass anyone who tried to help me. I tolerated this for 22 years. In September 2006 he got violent with me and I left with nothing but the clothes that I had on. Four days later I got a call from one of his grown children ( from his first marriage ) and they needed me to come to the house that he and I owned. When I got there, I found that he has totally destroyed everything that we owned in a four day period. He had drank himself ino DT's and was out of his mind. He was no there because his son had called an ambulance to come for him. He dove through a bay window and cut himself badly. While in the hospital, his doctor and I once again tried to get him to go into rehab, but to no avail. I told him that since he would not seek help, I would not be back. Ater he was released from the hospital, he harrassed me for 5 months, night and day by telephone, stalking, etc. I was forced to relocate to another town 60 miles away. I filed for divorce and it was final in October 2007. I am still trying to heal emotionally from this. Please beware. You cannot help someone that refuses to help themselves.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.

Popular posts from this blog

Alcoholism Signs For Family

If a person regularly falls asleep just after breakfast she is possibly an alcoholic. This is because she has had more than a stiff drink early in the morning. Although, alcoholism signs for the family are hard to spot in my experience. What is my experience? It's being the partner and now (2008) a "live in partner" of an alcoholic for about 9 years. Update: I am still her partner but no longer living with her in 2024 which is 16 years after this page was first written! The first section of this article is by me based on experience. The second part is by Bing's Co-pilot after researching the internet. At the end of the article are some pointers as to whether the person in question is an alcoholic. When I first met Jane I didn't know that she was an alcoholic. At that moment in time I was an innocent to the world of alcoholism. It took me about 3 months to realize that she was an alcoholic. What lead me to this revelation? When I didn't know she was an alcohol...

Alcoholism and Death

photo copyright crowolf published under a creative commons license kindly granted. These 2 ignominiously go together - Alcoholism and Death . Just after Jane's mini-binge (believe me it was a very minor binge by her standards) of about 20 hours she felt, as usual, suicidal. Jane always feels huge remorse and regret after a binge. She feels bad about letting herself down and bad about messing me around (although it wasn't that bad to be honest - it did though mess up what could have been some time together, which we are lacking at the moment due to work). Jane really does genuinely feel suicidal after a binge. But I must say I don't think she'll ever do it. She hasn't got the courage - I know that sounds horrendously cruel etc etc but this blog is about the plain truth unvarnished. It takes courage to kill yourself and a lots of despair. Jane has the one but not the other. Anyway to get more positive. We had a little talk and I in my usual style, mentioned...

Living With An Alcoholic

Here is what it is like Living With An Alcoholic . Whatever a normal relationship might mean, it doesn't exist. It is snuffed out by the dreaded Mr V (vodka). One of the first things that comes to mind is that alcoholics are known to be unreliable and just plain liars. And I am not being critical of alcoholics. I am just describing the facts. Alcoholism drives the alcoholic to lie and deceive. It becomes a way of life. And broken promises abound. Promises to change and stop. These are all well intentioned but can never be kept until the alcoholic is what AA calls a recovering alcoholic. Recovering alcoholics are alcoholics who are able, for the time being, to control their alcoholism. It is as good as it can get for them and their partner. So living with an alcoholic is a very fragile existence, the relationship always undermined by a breach of trust or a potential breach of trust. Then there are the rows. These occur during the binge drinking or continuous drinking (if the alcohol...