Monday, 2 March 2009
Sadness - neglect - loneliness - alone - lost - cold - true - seeking - sadness. Photo by Justin Gaurav Murgai
Sometimes I wonder if Jane's alcoholic behavior is rooted in brain damage. And that sounds almost ridiculous. But, you know, even when she is sober (and there are periods between binges when she is sober) she behaves in ways that indicate to me that "something is missing". And please don't misconstrue this as a criticism or a derogatory remark. I am very sympathetic and tender towards all vulnerable creatures of the world including people who are damaged.
When people just don't "get it", they simply don't get the most basic of things and you wonder if they are brain damaged. Then you wonder if they are brain damaged because of the vodka. There are no immediate apparent signs of damage by alcohol (ethanol alcohol) in booze but I think it gradually erodes and destroys the body and mind.
Does it gradually erode hearing? Jane either refuses to listen or can't hear. Or is it me? I know what it is like to be messed up by early year experiences. That is why I am tender to the vulnerable. I am strong but also vulnerable. Alcoholic behavior could sometimes be rooted in very slight brain damage incurred at birth, that seems a possibility. If it is not that, it might be neglect during the early years when development needs to take place. As I said, Jane acts like a teenager or someone even younger who is trying to live as an adult in a hostile world - what chance?
At the moment she is travelling (holiday supposedly) and I have a horrible suspicion she has had her credit cards stolen. Wait and see what happens next. The last call I got from an airport, she sounded drunk. Could these two events be linked?