Wednesday, 11 February 2009

More Alcoholic Chat

More alcoholic chat - a quick update. Hi to those loyal followers of the ramblings of a victim of an alcoholic. Right now it is no alcohol. We are in that trough or peak between binges. Everything is fairly normal. Did I say normal? There is the ever present fear of a restart. The day Jane comes in from work (yes, she is back at work) drunk will signal the start of the next binge, I suspect. The pressure will mount too. As the days go by the pressure to drink will mount and bingo, we're off.

I don't expect a change but I did make it clear that I was making moves to move out, looking around and exploring the possibilities etc. Jane is aware of that. That knowledge may be having an effect, of sorts, but it cannot change behavior because very little in the way of external events can achieve that. It must come from within, from the head of the alcoholic.

As I said, though, I may, due to practical reasons, find a compromise solution and move into a bigger room in the flat and make that an inner sanctuary for me during the war that is a binge. More alcoholic chat to follow.

More Alcoholic Chat to Jane is in hospital

8 comments:

  1. I am so glad to hear you're enjoying a bit of a break. As far as moving out, I do not know why you should have to do that. The idea of a sanctuary makes much more sense to me. It would be different if she became violent but it seems as though she just locks herself up in her room during these binges. Maybe you could just disinvolve yourself in your own space?

    Hang tight, Freddie!!

    Linda in Pennsylvania

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  2. Hi Linda, thanks for the support. I don't feel too good right now, but yes, I think I may just find a sanctuary as I said. I am feeling tired today. I don't feel too good today, Linda - I really don't.

    Freddie

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  3. My Dear Freddie Fox,
    I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Perhaps this lifestyle is too taxing on you spiritually, mentally and physically. If only you could get away for just a little while - just spoil yourself and enjoy some warm sunshine you might feel a bit better??

    Linda in Pa.

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  4. Hi Linda, thanks for your comment. It is warming to receive it. You are right. You are completely right.

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  5. Hi Freddy,

    Sorry to hear that you are under the weather. Like others said before, perhaps it's because all of Jane's antics taking a toll on you - both physically and mentally. As the previous poster said, you need a vacation! Although, I assume you probably hate to leave her for a good length of time, considering what happened to your home when you were in the States. Perhaps you can take a short one? That always refreshes me, just a thought.

    Also, I can totally understand you looking for a new place to live. That’s the first step in leaving…just searching for the ‘fun’ of it. That is your ammunition. One day perhaps you will ‘light the wick’ if Jane does not stop.


    - Pebbs

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  6. It seems that I have made some friends. I don't feel that I deserve it. But it makes me feel better. Thanks so much to all who have visited and left comments. I blow you a distant tender kiss of thanks. You are friends to me. I feel a bit of hope.

    Freddie

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  7. hi all my name is matt and im an alcoholic was dry for 4 months was doing well until i had a relapse but yet again have hurt everybody around me im bk at my mums now where i was at the start when was recovering but yet again the can beat me and destroyed everything im so gratefull that this fellowship is here for us all went to 2 meetings and was really helpfull.so here i am again bk at my mums on the computer typin this been dry for 2 days gotta go doctors in a bit for sum librum i have a 2 year old son and girlfriend and a mum that all wanna help but i iknow only me can wanna do it and this time round i am i have told everyone wat im gonna do and there all like yeah ok heard it all before got one more chance wiv me family otherwise thats me on me own gonna end this now .plz help speak soon matt

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  8. Hi Matt, thanks for a nice comment. I feel for you. You are right. It is only you who can change things. What really p**sses me off about Jane is that she says she will stop this time bla bla bla and do this and that bla bla and we all now it is meaningless so yes, mean what you say and use all your might to fight it. Nothing I say makes any difference. It is all inside you. But I wish you the very best of luck.

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I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.