Jane is in Hospital

Pain - photo by Dude Crush

Yes, Jane is in hospital as she couldn't stop vomiting after a massive binge. The hospital is about 3 miles away, not far. But I do not want to go and visit. Visits are always depressing, not constructive etc. Anyway, I am totally p**ss*d off with her. I want out. Why visit the person who makes your life hell? I agreed to pick her up and bring her home. I am a carer and lodger, no more.

I have sealed her room as it stinks horribly with vomit, piss, mess, rotten food and god knows what. I have emptied the bucket that was full of piss and vomit and added bleach. The room still stinks. I bleached a bowl she used to be sick in. The room still stinks. I opened the window to ventilate the room exposing myself to burglary, which is bad in London and it still pongs.

So, I closed the door and sealed it completely with a large roll of wide industrial tape - true. The smell is much reduced. The smell of death and crap and hell. It is a most awful smell, believe me. And I cannot clean up her room. The mess is indescribable. It is foul. And why should I? I can't.

Jane is in hospital and I am trying to forget but the smell reminds me of the pain, of fetal positions and impending death. I am off to Al-anon tonight to offload the pain. She is no doubt asleep in hospital. She is skeletal and needs building up. That will take weeks. On the phone she blamed me for not feeding her properly. I feed her to order. She asked, I provided. She refused food the last 2 days. She was sick the last day. She eats badly anyway. She is borderline anorexic and she blames me for not feeding her when she is binging. This is really out time for me. Jane is dangerous. She spreads a poison of deceit and lies, histrionics and mayhem. Never consider living with an alcoholic. They are dangerous, really dangerous and nasty. He mother has said she is evil. I agree.

Update 15-1-09: I have calmed down. I forget her deceit. I forget that I have to leave as she is too dangerous. I have calmed down though.

Comments

Alcoholism Signs For Family

If a person regularly falls asleep just after breakfast she is possibly an alcoholic. This is because she has had more than a stiff drink early in the morning. Although, alcoholism signs for the family are hard to spot in my experience. What is my experience? It's being the partner and now (2008) a "live in partner" of an alcoholic for about 9 years. Update: I am still her partner but no longer living with her in 2024 which is 16 years after this page was first written! The first section of this article is by me based on experience. The second part is by Bing's Co-pilot after researching the internet. At the end of the article are some pointers as to whether the person in question is an alcoholic. When I first met Jane I didn't know that she was an alcoholic. At that moment in time I was an innocent to the world of alcoholism. It took me about 3 months to realize that she was an alcoholic. What lead me to this revelation? When I didn't know she was an alcohol

Alcoholism and Death

photo copyright crowolf published under a creative commons license kindly granted. These 2 ignominiously go together - Alcoholism and Death . Just after Jane's mini-binge (believe me it was a very minor binge by her standards) of about 20 hours she felt, as usual, suicidal. Jane always feels huge remorse and regret after a binge. She feels bad about letting herself down and bad about messing me around (although it wasn't that bad to be honest - it did though mess up what could have been some time together, which we are lacking at the moment due to work). Jane really does genuinely feel suicidal after a binge. But I must say I don't think she'll ever do it. She hasn't got the courage - I know that sounds horrendously cruel etc etc but this blog is about the plain truth unvarnished. It takes courage to kill yourself and a lots of despair. Jane has the one but not the other. Anyway to get more positive. We had a little talk and I in my usual style, mentioned

Alcoholism is a Disease

1904 Advertisement I have always wondered if alcoholism is a disease . Is this just some sort of idea someone dreamed up years ago as a method to make a buck. You know it could have been that way. People think diseases are either curable or that the symptoms can be controlled to an extent where the person can live pretty normally. The signal sent to alcoholics by the idea that alcoholism is a disease is, "I can be cured by a pill" or "there is hope". And they go off and search for a cure to this mysterious disease...... It may be a disease, though. What is the definition of "disease"? It is an abnormal condition that impairs bodily functions with accompanying symptoms (after Wikipedia). Or here is another definition: An alteration of the state of the body or parts of it interrupting normal function (mine after ThinkExist.com). These are broad definitions. We usually think of diseases as say a virus that infects us and causes illness; the common cold is t

The Diary of a Victim of an Alcoholic

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