Monday, 12 January 2009
Jane is in Hospital
Pain - photo by Dude Crush
Yes, Jane is in hospital as she couldn't stop vomiting after a massive binge. The hospital is about 3 miles away, not far. But I do not want to go and visit. Visits are always depressing, not constructive etc. Anyway, I am totally p**ss*d off with her. I want out. Why visit the person who makes your life hell? I agreed to pick her up and bring her home. I am a carer and lodger, no more.
I have sealed her room as it stinks horribly with vomit, piss, mess, rotten food and god knows what. I have emptied the bucket that was full of piss and vomit and added bleach. The room still stinks. I bleached a bowl she used to be sick in. The room still stinks. I opened the window to ventilate the room exposing myself to burglary, which is bad in London and it still pongs.
So, I closed the door and sealed it completely with a large roll of wide industrial tape - true. The smell is much reduced. The smell of death and crap and hell. It is a most awful smell, believe me. And I cannot clean up her room. The mess is indescribable. It is foul. And why should I? I can't.
Jane is in hospital and I am trying to forget but the smell reminds me of the pain, of fetal positions and impending death. I am off to Al-anon tonight to offload the pain. She is no doubt asleep in hospital. She is skeletal and needs building up. That will take weeks. On the phone she blamed me for not feeding her properly. I feed her to order. She asked, I provided. She refused food the last 2 days. She was sick the last day. She eats badly anyway. She is borderline anorexic and she blames me for not feeding her when she is binging. This is really out time for me. Jane is dangerous. She spreads a poison of deceit and lies, histrionics and mayhem. Never consider living with an alcoholic. They are dangerous, really dangerous and nasty. He mother has said she is evil. I agree.
Update 15-1-09: I have calmed down. I forget her deceit. I forget that I have to leave as she is too dangerous. I have calmed down though.