Skip to main content

The Anger


Photo by Bright_Star

The anger and bile coming out of me has subsided since my last posting. I've just read it and it reminds me how bad I feel during and after one of Jane's binges.

I have tried ringing her at hospital and only on two occasions managed to talk to her. This is because unsurprisingly she is very tired and the hospital drug her, calm her down with sleeping pills and tranquillizers. This combination means that she sleeps a lot, which is good for her but it also means I cannot realistically visit.

Went to Al-anon about 3 days ago and found it hopeless. The first meetings helped but now I find I cannot say what I want to for fear of upsetting people. I talk too much and that upsets people, the ones in charge. I feel it is not worth going again and this made me feel very depressed when combined with Jane's alcoholism. That's life, I guess. The anger though has subsided as it always does until the next time.
Labels:

Comments

  1. Anonymous16 January 2009 at 19:48

    Freddie,

    What may help is talking to someone outside of the meeting - it sounds like when you say you talk too much, that you have a real need to talk about the situation, and that the structure of the one hour meeting is not enough. Or maybe try a different group - the dynamics are usually a bit different at each one. When I first started at the beginners meeting, I was more talkative, so much background, so much suffering, so many tales of woe! Now my blog helps and friends (I tag team them with the latest so as to not wear one out) and an alanon sponsor, and a therapist. Whew! I guess I do talk a lot!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Michael Broad LLB, ARPS16 January 2009 at 21:07

    Thanks cosufferer for your support. I'll try a different group. I tend to talk at a philosophical level at meetings (well kind of) and people don't like that.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.

Popular posts from this blog

Alcoholism and Death

photo copyright crowolf published under a creative commons license kindly granted. These 2 ignominiously go together - Alcoholism and Death . Just after Jane's mini-binge (believe me it was a very minor binge by her standards) of about 20 hours she felt, as usual, suicidal. Jane always feels huge remorse and regret after a binge. She feels bad about letting herself down and bad about messing me around (although it wasn't that bad to be honest - it did though mess up what could have been some time together, which we are lacking at the moment due to work). Jane really does genuinely feel suicidal after a binge. But I must say I don't think she'll ever do it. She hasn't got the courage - I know that sounds horrendously cruel etc etc but this blog is about the plain truth unvarnished. It takes courage to kill yourself and a lots of despair. Jane has the one but not the other. Anyway to get more positive. We had a little talk and I in my usual style, mentioned...
67 comments
Read more

Alcoholism is a Disease

1904 Advertisement I have always wondered if alcoholism is a disease . Is this just some sort of idea someone dreamed up years ago as a method to make a buck. You know it could have been that way. People think diseases are either curable or that the symptoms can be controlled to an extent where the person can live pretty normally. The signal sent to alcoholics by the idea that alcoholism is a disease is, "I can be cured by a pill" or "there is hope". And they go off and search for a cure to this mysterious disease...... It may be a disease, though. What is the definition of "disease"? It is an abnormal condition that impairs bodily functions with accompanying symptoms (after Wikipedia). Or here is another definition: An alteration of the state of the body or parts of it interrupting normal function (mine after ThinkExist.com). These are broad definitions. We usually think of diseases as say a virus that infects us and causes illness; the common cold is t...
28 comments
Read more

Living With An Alcoholic

Here is what it is like Living With An Alcoholic . Whatever a normal relationship might mean, it doesn't exist. It is snuffed out by the dreaded Mr V (vodka). One of the first things that comes to mind is that alcoholics are known to be unreliable and just plain liars. And I am not being critical of alcoholics. I am just describing the facts. Alcoholism drives the alcoholic to lie and deceive. It becomes a way of life. And broken promises abound. Promises to change and stop. These are all well intentioned but can never be kept until the alcoholic is what AA calls a recovering alcoholic. Recovering alcoholics are alcoholics who are able, for the time being, to control their alcoholism. It is as good as it can get for them and their partner. So living with an alcoholic is a very fragile existence, the relationship always undermined by a breach of trust or a potential breach of trust. Then there are the rows. These occur during the binge drinking or continuous drinking (if the alcohol...
38 comments
Read more