Chips for breakfast, chips at 1 am - photo by Derek Farr ( DetroitDerek )
Jane my alcoholic partner is still drinking. This is a big binge. They seem to get longer. Back in the old days she used to binge for about 5 days or so and now they are creeping up to more like ten days. She started this one just after Christmas and is still going strong.
She calls out from her bedroom mess all the time for food or booze. She sobered up yesterday and asked for two bottles of Vodka and if I didn't buy it she'd either ask our neighbor to buy it or she'd buy it, she said. Both unacceptable so I bought it. Actually I bought a big two liter bottle which saved me £4 (gotta think money as alcoholism is very expensive - loss of job, canceled holidays etc.).
Within less than 24 hours, Jane has got through the entire bottle (almost). That is more than usual. I actually asked her if she'd drink some in front of me as I had never in 10 years or so seen her drink. She said, no, and them she flavored the vodka in the bottle and swigged back two large mouthfuls without a care in the world.
An alcoholic partner is demanding and I feel like a full-time carer. Last night she called out at one in the morning (1 am). She woke me up. She demanded food. I baked some chips (french fries in the USA). About a hour later she got up and raided the fridge for some wine I had there (half a bottle) and the remainder of the vodka (I had separated out the 2 liter bottle into 2 one liter bottles for ease of handling). Man, I eventually got to sleep and woke up late at about 8 am knackered (tired).
An alcoholic partner is a pain in the backside. She has just called out again and again and never answers my response. She wanted more food. So for breakfast she is having more french fries. They're in the oven right now and I type this in bed while they are cooking.
Alcoholic partner to stages of alcoholism
This woman is going to die should this continue. Getting her to the hospital might prolong her life a little until she starts drinking again. Has she had seizures yet? The first time my husband had seizures, it was with alcohol in his system. People at the hospital and detox places insisted that it wouldn't happen until he started detoxing, but the first time it happened, it was when he only had a little less vodka than his brain wanted.
ReplyDeleteI've never seen her have seizures. She uses it as an excuse for more booze, "I need to come down slowly, get me some more vodka, please".
ReplyDeleteShe had a fit once or twice. She wants to die. Alcoholism is the gateway to suicide as a visitor said.
Thanks for the comment by the way.
My sponser always says that alcoholism is suicide in instalments, I like that one.
ReplyDeleteCan I just ask, does she really want to die or is that again the drinking? In my experience when i was on a binge I didn't care whether I lived or died, the latter would have been preferable as when I was coming down off the alcohol it was unbearable and I could't stand to be conscious. Also for a few days when withdrawing I would feel suicidal, but after that my mood would become a little more positive and I would be relieved that I had got through another binge with my life intact. Obviously, however, the compulsion would always draw me back again and the cycle would begin again. I would say that all the alcoholics i know have deep seated emotional and psychological issues to deal with aside from the drinking, "alcoholism" is what happens in between the drinking it is a mental illness, a personality defect. Noone I know who is non-alcolical has the same or similar thinking patterns and behaviours to me. When I joined AA and met other alcoholics I realised there were others like me who understood how i thought and felt and who had had similar experiences. Partners, friends and family had tried to reason with me to stop drinking for a long time but i knew they didn't understand, it wasn't until I joined AA and someone said to me "I know exactly how you feel, I have been there" that I finally started to feel like I fitted in with life.
ah freddy, your friend is losing the war before she's even waged a battle. no shots fired. just lipservice and a passitivity that belies the desire to believe in a better way. hopeless, helpless that is the crux of the problem.
ReplyDeletei had seizures, i was raped violently with severe injuries, i was homeless for 2 years, and i cannot begin to guess the suicide attempts and breakdowns. yet, if you saw me you would think i was so far removed from that world. a college graduate, a flight attendant of 2 decades, a written publisher but i was nothing in my mind, everything i received due to accomplishments were seen by me as a fluke. i read a book one time called "no one nowhere" and though it was about skizophrenia the emotions i felt were the same.
we die, freddy, and usually by that time we have not a soul left in the world who is not utterly disgusted by us. yet, we were children once and we had dreams much like any other kid. where did they go?
love to you, freddy, and to jane, you own my heart.......devon
Hi Devon, thanks for the comment. You're better than you think you are.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous, Yes Jane has said that if life was a path with a fork in it and one route went to death and the other life she'd choose death. She is depressed and has psychological problems as you state.
Jane is still on the binge. I've just come back from Al-anon. It was a good session. Al-anon is good for the spirit. It gets me out and even on a social level it is beneficial.