Yes, despite all the vitriol, all the pain and disappointment. The piles of agony. This is life and I love her.
She has a wonderfully tender interior. It is too tender, too vulnerable, which is why she has a hardness sometimes that is at odds with her true self.
When she has a binge, as must be expected, she is a different person. Yes, slightly mad and definitely bad. She admits it. She hates it. She does it and it hurts her self-esteem something terrible.
What I like most about Jane is this tender childlike interior, hidden away so deeply inside her and almost invisible; certainly well protected to the point where it is hardly expressed in behavior. But it is there.
I must nurture this. I must praise her. I have praised her. Compared to the way she was about 13 or more years ago she is much more stable. She was chaotic in those days, out of control and just hanging on.
She, like all of us, finds life hard sometimes. She gets tired and depressed. She expresses a desire to end her life more often than is healthy.
But she is my partner and today, as all days, I await her return and I'll give her a cuddle and see if I can boast that battered self-esteem.
Photo: dark interior by benefit of hindsight (Flickr)