Thursday, 11 December 2008
Alcoholic Chat - is there hope?
No Hope -- photo by Pete Gray 1 After the pleasure of Jane stopping her binge, back to reality.
Alcoholic chat -- Is there hope? Not really. Jane is OK. She is depressed after the binge. She is depressed after every binge. She is tearful. She reminded me that she had written two lines of a note to her sister and mother saying good bye during the last binge. She tore up the note. It was intended to be a suicide note. She had taken some sleeping pills plus vodka plus Valium plus anything she could find. I didn't mention this in the posting at the time in case she died and the police said I was negligent in helping her. I did help her but I have to be careful what I say sometimes because if she dies the stupid police may misconstrue things. Man this can be complicated sometimes.
Jane is going up to the north to see her mother this weekend. It's about a 300 mile journey. She is going by train. Her sister lives near her mother. Her sister doesn't want her to come up. We don't know why exactly. The family is dysfunctional. So is mine.
I don't even want to see my family. I rarely see them. I am better off not seeing them, I think. My mother has never had a sense of fairness and she has always acted in her own interest, in my opinion. My father washed his hands of his children early on. I can't complain, as my upbringing was better than most in terms of opportunity but poorer families provided a better upbringing -- more love. My father was -- is cold.
Anyway enough moaning. Jane is OK, just struggling. I always struggle but try and hide it. I wondered whether she was strong enough to go and see her mother but she said, "Yes". I still wonder if she is and when she gets there there'll probably be an argument with her sister.
Jane burst into tears this afternoon about the scar on her stomach from the appendix operation. It is long and unpleasant. She may have forgotten that the only reason why she had the unnecessary operation was because she went into hospital after an alcoholic binge. She would not have been there but for the binge. Alcoholism gets you one way or another, in the end. But I sympathize. It is difficult for her. She liked a flat stomach. Now it is distended and a little lumpy. We are going to have to sue on this for compensation.
Alcoholic Chat - is there hope to The Operation