Saturday, 6 December 2008

Latest Binge

The latest binge has been bad. Last night was distressing as I thought that there was a real chance that she might not make it. She has expressed a wish to die before but, other than the slow death of being an alcoholic, she has never got so close to ending it.

Anyway, I woke up this Sunday morning at about 5 am and went into her room as she is OK. The effects of the drugs and alcohol have eased and she said that she was OK.

Well, I really thought that I might wake up and find her dead. That sounds extreme perhaps but she punishes her body. Extreme levels of alcohol and also drugs. One never knows when the body will give up. She is not heavy either so the chemicals she ingests will have a greater effect.

On my first date with her she got drunk (I didn't realise that she was drunk) and told me that if life was a path and it divided, one route signifying death and the other life; she'd choose the former.

She wants to die. That sounds and is sad. But not surprising. Maybe it would have been a good thing if she had not made it last night and the latest binge had been her last.


  1. I'm sorry to hear what you and Jane are going through. I've been going through the same thing with my father this weekend; he drank 66 ounces in a day and a half. He hasn't eaten in over a week. He is wasting away and still able to drink. The time between his binges is less and less, he must stop sooner as he is so sick. Today he was trembling, skin and bones trembling. It is so hard to watch. I feel so helpless. He, like Jane, is waiting to die, he wants desparately to die. It is so incredibly sad. Thankyou for posting about " rain in my heart" , I watched it and cried my way through it. When does this misery end?? I want peace for him.

    take care and thank you for your blog;I read it daily.


  2. Hi Natalie

    Thanks for the comment. Yes, when does it end? I want peace for Jane. It is a kind of hell for both. I am about the call an ambulance to get to to hospital so she will be forced to stop.


I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.