Friday, 26 December 2008

Alcoholism Behavior

Jane drank a glass of wine with me in a normal way today for the first by lanier67

Alcoholism behavior is unpredictable and that proved the case this Christmas. Linda asked how Christmas 2008 went. Well, I am pleased to say it went well. Yep, it actually is still going well and it is hard to believe. She promised me that she wouldn't drink and she hasn't as far as I can see. Well that is not quite true in fact. As I was drinking some wine, she actually asked me if I could pour her some wine too. That I think is a first. As I said she always drinks alone and secretly. I have never seen her drink. I have said to her before a number of times, if she could drink more normally, I might be able to exercise some control over it or Jane might be able to exercise more control.

It would be normalising drinking, making less of a guilt ridden dark secret of drinking and joining the rest of the world. This I had hoped would help to curb the horrendous binges. And for the first time she has drunk normally and in front of me. And she stopped normally afterwards.

OK, good stuff and it feels good. But lets not get carried away. No, definitely not. Alcoholic behavior is very unpredictable. Jane may just have a binge tomorrow for all I know. This though is very unlikely as I sense she is settled at the moment. I wonder whether this is about one thing.

For some time we have been sleeping in separate rooms (and I don't mind admitting this) for a number of practical reasons; one major one being that she binges in bed for 10 days on a frequent basis and during that time it would be impossible to sleep in the same bed or room as her. That would mean constantly moving out and returning. However, last night I slept with her. Maybe the two events are linked (i.e. drinking a small glass of wine with me in a controlled way and sleeping together). Common sense says that they are. What do you guys think? Is this something about alcoholism behavior I should know about? Is greater warmth from me an aid to stopping binging. Probably, yes. But it's hard when she binges. What comes first?

Thanks for asking about me Linda.


  1. o.k., my friend freddy, your jane wants to be what you need but alcoholism isn't a faucet one turns on and off. once the line is crossed, we get worse, never better. yes, we can play a part from time to time because we basically don't understand why we do what we do. we're tormented by our actions and we would love nothing more than to be what 'society' calls "normal". but we are not and never, ever, will be capable of going backwards into the "normal" drinking of yore. God knows, i so tried. like jane, i could do what she did when so desperately pushed to the brink--as it were. but, freddy, i couldn't sustain it. i'm an alcoholic and my drinking, my desolation, my decline, will continue on. with or without any our good intentions. do not drink with your jane. she is dying. i say that in the way of the broken-hearted toward a sister that has a foot firmly in the next world. as i type this, i am crying for the two of you.

    this is a life or death disease and we die more often than not. me? i am dying still. you see, a simple amount of sobriety does not change much and to you and all my friends, i find myself losing ground. no matter how i wish it were not so. i want to live--i think--but i don't know what it is i need to do. i'm lost. sober but lost in a loneliness few can imagine.

    i often wonder should i die would anyone ever remember i was was..... i once mattered. and dreams? somewhere, way back in the pit of memory, i had a few.....

    forgive me my negativity. because even a woman destroyed at such a baby age understands miracles. may God shine a light for you that will light up the help me God. devon

  2. I kind of get where you are coming from Freddy, but to be honest it's probably the scaling down of the drinking that allows for some of the intimacy of a relationship to return albeit only briefly and not the other way round. At least that's how it seems to work in my house. Whatever, enjoy it while it lasts and if getting closer prolongs the remission then great. Good luck mate.

  3. Hi, You guys are dead right of course. I'm just looking for something. But nothing is there.

    Actually, she's back on (never left it) the sauce and I am p*ss*d off. I'm going to leave, had enough. See the latest post:

    Time to Leave



I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.