The Diary of a Victim of an Alcoholic

photo by Laura Mary This is one of my alcoholism stories . It shows how alcoholism can kill in so many different ways and most of them are not direct (i.e. alcohol poisoning). Jane had a mini binge about 2 weeks ago. It lasted 4 days. As usual she became sick when she came off the vodka. She became extremely anxious as usual and her stomach was highly irritated as it would be after pouring neat vodka into it without any food to help soak it up. She called a doctor at about 10 pm who as far as I can tell refused to come out. She called an ambulance, which came about an hour after being called. She was taken to a local hospital. She called me at 5:45 am the next morning to say that she had been diagnosed with appendicitis. I was surprised as there was no sign or symptoms of this beforehand. She had an operation shortly afterwards. I did some research on the appendicitis and found out that one symptom is sickness and another is abdominal pain both of which Jane had after a binge. Anyw...

Alcoholism Pictures (1) - guess what this is? - Yes the sick she throws up when making herself sick after a binge. She does this she says as it alleviates the feeling of sickness. She does though have anti-sickness pills. It is more than just about alleviating a feeling. It is borderline bulimia and a form of self inflicted punishment for doing wrong. Here's a couple of Alcoholism Pictures that pretty much sum up Jane's last mini binge. Despite: (a) Recently starting a new job that took about 8 months to find (b) Being cash strapped so a loss of job would be very bad news for her (c) Being scheduled to start a course on Monday, which is important in her new job (d) Being supposedly ill the 11 days prior to and during the last binge (e) Facing the prospect of me moving out with my cat (she loves my cat, more than me) She still went ahead and had a mini binge lasting about 3 days in which she consumed the usual large quantity of alcohol, about 2 bottles of Vodka and 3-4 bottle o...

Drunk again (my caption) photo by Ben Haldenb y Yeh, She's drunk again . It's been quiet for a while but it couldn't last. With an alcoholic it can never last. Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic and I think I can remember one of the visitors to this website saying that in one of the comments. It is about 7:30 pm here and Jane has been ill with a nasty cold virus for about 10 days. She has worked through part of it but about 2 days ago she phoned in to work to say she was ill and had to stay at home. She had two days off coming up as well, which when added to the 2 days sick added up to a juicy 4 days. When Jane has 4 days of (which she has engineered nicely) she uses it productively. She always uses it productively. She uses it to get well and truly drunk. She will find any means to engineer a 4 day break or more. She went to bed today at about 4 pm saying she was tired. She was tired because she had started drinking at about 2 pm. Of course this was totally private ...

photo copyright crowolf published under a creative commons license kindly granted. These 2 ignominiously go together - Alcoholism and Death . Just after Jane's mini-binge (believe me it was a very minor binge by her standards) of about 20 hours she felt, as usual, suicidal. Jane always feels huge remorse and regret after a binge. She feels bad about letting herself down and bad about messing me around (although it wasn't that bad to be honest - it did though mess up what could have been some time together, which we are lacking at the moment due to work). Jane really does genuinely feel suicidal after a binge. But I must say I don't think she'll ever do it. She hasn't got the courage - I know that sounds horrendously cruel etc etc but this blog is about the plain truth unvarnished. It takes courage to kill yourself and a lots of despair. Jane has the one but not the other. Anyway to get more positive. We had a little talk and I in my usual style, mentioned...

Diary of a Victim of Alcoholism - Don't drink and drive - Jane didn't good on her. She made the decision while drunk this morning when about to go to work. Photograph copyright beara255 published under a creative commons license. This is a continuation of the previous post; yesterday, when I came back from work she was zonked............. She had three half bottles of Vodka on the floor beside the bed, one empty bottle of wine on the floor, one empty bottle of wine on the bed and one smashed bottle of mulled wine (from Christmas) on the kitchen floor. And when I'd said to her that she was drinking, the day before, (just before she went to bed) she said PROVE IT!..........We just proved it I reckon. She got out of bed in the early evening when the booze had worn off a bit looking for more in the kitchen. I was watching TV. I said I thought she'd better stop if she wanted to go to work today. She actually listened to me! And stopped. She had worked hard to get the job...

Weird thing - weird signs - at night - is this as detour - photo slabbers Here's another rather clean cut sign of alcoholism (or two or three). You come home from work at about 3 pm (you have done an early shift). You get in your home. Your partner is at home. There is silence - the first sign of alcoholism. You go into the bedroom as Jane is in bed. The next sign. The sun is blazing outside and the bedroom curtains are drawn. Another sign. You smell a faint smell of marzipan, the smell of metabolized alcohol on the breath - another sign. You say hi!..............nothing. She is in bed. You go into the kitchen and there is broken glass on the floor. There is a towel on the floor. It is wet and stained red. The glass is green. More signs of alcoholism. She has been drinking since I left for work and she broke a bottle a wine, probably her second because she must have been drunk when she got hold of it. She'll struggle to be ready for work tomorrow. I'll have to help get ...

Day for Night, night for day, who knows - the unreal world of an alcoholic - photo copyright *CA* published under creative commons license - thanks. One Sign of Alcoholism is telling your partner, immediately after breakfast, at about 10 am, and after an excellent nights sleep, that you are tired and sleepy and then insisting that you go to bed, with the curtains drawn. That is what Jane has just done to me right now . This is the morning of the first of her two days off and immediately she hits the old bottle. In fact she was on it yesterday afternoon as she was slurring her words and went to bed very early (about 7 pm) saying she was exhausted. Yep, she is genuinely tired from work but she is also drinking and as usual "brick-wall" denying it at every occasion. She said she would take me to my job today but this looks a little unlikely. My work starts at 3 pm and I expect her to be in bed and drunk when I come back at about 10:30 pm. Worse, I don't think she will g...