The Diary of a Victim of an Alcoholic

photo copyright crowolf published under a creative commons license kindly granted. These 2 ignominiously go together - Alcoholism and Death . Just after Jane's mini-binge (believe me it was a very minor binge by her standards) of about 20 hours she felt, as usual, suicidal. Jane always feels huge remorse and regret after a binge. She feels bad about letting herself down and bad about messing me around (although it wasn't that bad to be honest - it did though mess up what could have been some time together, which we are lacking at the moment due to work). Jane really does genuinely feel suicidal after a binge. But I must say I don't think she'll ever do it. She hasn't got the courage - I know that sounds horrendously cruel etc etc but this blog is about the plain truth unvarnished. It takes courage to kill yourself and a lots of despair. Jane has the one but not the other. Anyway to get more positive. We had a little talk and I in my usual style, mentioned...

Diary of a Victim of Alcoholism - Don't drink and drive - Jane didn't good on her. She made the decision while drunk this morning when about to go to work. Photograph copyright beara255 published under a creative commons license. This is a continuation of the previous post; yesterday, when I came back from work she was zonked............. She had three half bottles of Vodka on the floor beside the bed, one empty bottle of wine on the floor, one empty bottle of wine on the bed and one smashed bottle of mulled wine (from Christmas) on the kitchen floor. And when I'd said to her that she was drinking, the day before, (just before she went to bed) she said PROVE IT!..........We just proved it I reckon. She got out of bed in the early evening when the booze had worn off a bit looking for more in the kitchen. I was watching TV. I said I thought she'd better stop if she wanted to go to work today. She actually listened to me! And stopped. She had worked hard to get the job...

Weird thing - weird signs - at night - is this as detour - photo slabbers Here's another rather clean cut sign of alcoholism (or two or three). You come home from work at about 3 pm (you have done an early shift). You get in your home. Your partner is at home. There is silence - the first sign of alcoholism. You go into the bedroom as Jane is in bed. The next sign. The sun is blazing outside and the bedroom curtains are drawn. Another sign. You smell a faint smell of marzipan, the smell of metabolized alcohol on the breath - another sign. You say hi!..............nothing. She is in bed. You go into the kitchen and there is broken glass on the floor. There is a towel on the floor. It is wet and stained red. The glass is green. More signs of alcoholism. She has been drinking since I left for work and she broke a bottle a wine, probably her second because she must have been drunk when she got hold of it. She'll struggle to be ready for work tomorrow. I'll have to help get ...

Day for Night, night for day, who knows - the unreal world of an alcoholic - photo copyright *CA* published under creative commons license - thanks. One Sign of Alcoholism is telling your partner, immediately after breakfast, at about 10 am, and after an excellent nights sleep, that you are tired and sleepy and then insisting that you go to bed, with the curtains drawn. That is what Jane has just done to me right now . This is the morning of the first of her two days off and immediately she hits the old bottle. In fact she was on it yesterday afternoon as she was slurring her words and went to bed very early (about 7 pm) saying she was exhausted. Yep, she is genuinely tired from work but she is also drinking and as usual "brick-wall" denying it at every occasion. She said she would take me to my job today but this looks a little unlikely. My work starts at 3 pm and I expect her to be in bed and drunk when I come back at about 10:30 pm. Worse, I don't think she will g...

Alcoholism Chat - a quick update. I am currently working for a few weeks which takes my time. Jane is feeling the pressure of work and says she feels exhausted. One of her work colleagues who is new to the job (like Jane) also said she was tired. This is the breeding ground for an alcoholic binge. When I came back from work at about 3 pm she was back home from her early shift and had obviously had a drink as she was slurring her words while watching the Nadal/Novak Djokovic Stella Artois final. She went to bed very early indeed, tired from the job and made tired by the booze. Because I am away from home more at the moment working I am worried she will feel free to bring back booze and drink it thus drifting back into her bad habits when she used to have a 4-10 day binge every 3 or 4 weeks. A binge means drinking one bottle of Vodka per day every day and going to hospital for several days at the end of it. Wait and see. I do my best to encourage her to stop. Jane agrees she is slippi...

Just a quick update of alcoholism chat. Jane did well today. She stayed off the dreaded booze. She even went for a run after coming back from work and she started work at 5:30 this morning so well done to her. She did some housework after the run and then had something to eat but failed to find the energy to go to AA. I don't blame her, it would have been too much. She starts work tomorrow at 7:30 and I am starting a three week stint of work tomorrow so I will not be around when she comes back from her work. This may be a problem as it will take the pressure of her to not drink on the way home as she will know I won't be here to spot it. There it is - wait and see. What will be will be. I am pessimistic about her chances of staying off the booze while she is working as it makes her tired and stresses her. This destabilizes her slightly and just enough to tip her towards drink over time. She really struggles with coping generally when she works.

Gods earth - nature is beautiful and healing. Let's heal ourselves through touching nature not by a faith in a God. Photo copyright Sergio_One I don't understand it. The Al anon 12 steps seem to be the same as the AA 12 steps. In other words both the alcoholic and the victims alcoholism are meant to believe in the same creed . How can that be? Have I got this wrong? In my language (as I can't copy them due to copyright laws but there is a link below to a site where you can see them) - the Al anon 12 steps are: 1. We are powerless over alcohol and our lives are unmanageable . I don't get this as it is the alcoholics life that is unmanageable and the partner who is trying to make it manageable for the alcoholic partner. Sure life is not great for those very close to an alcoholic but I am not sure it is unmanageable. Perhaps it has become that way for some and is the reason why they have gone to Al anon. 2. We need to believe that a greater power than ourselves can help...

Display of Violence - jousting - photo copyright zachstern I'm going to give you (if I may) one very important fact about alcoholism . It is not just the alcoholic who suffers but at least 4 others close to the alcoholic. It could be argued that these 4 others suffer more than the alcoholic if their suffering is added up and balled together . Lets think about it. Jane, my partner as you know is an alcoholic. She is a binge alcoholic. Her suffering because of this is "illness or disorder" is after the binge . She feels bad and is sometimes very ill and has to go to hospital. She also feels bad emotionally after a binge - remorse and guilt etc. For the other 4 they are constantly worried about when the next binge is going to happen. Constantly on the alert for the signs of the beginnings of the binge (this applies to the person living with her - er, me as it happens!). And during the binge they are all worried about her health and whether she will get hurt if she wanders o...

Alcoholism and Genetics - photo chaserpaul Judging by my experiences with Jane I have to conclude the a tendency to alcoholism is inherited, which when compounded by questionable early parenting, can drive the person to becoming an alcoholic sometimes. It is surprising, though, that we still don't know for sure if Alcoholism and Genetics go together, meaning that some people are predisposed to alcoholism due to their genetic make up. Considering the massive amount of depression and unhappiness alcoholism causes and the damage it does to society you'd have thought more work would have been done. Maybe it's also about commerce. The amount of tax the governments collect from booze is astonishing. Society needs alcoholics to keep the buses running. Alcoholics are a rather irritating side effect of the need to sell booze to raise taxes. I also wonder if it is wider than a simple gene making people alcoholics - that's too simplistic. I know this sounds a bit amateurish but I...

Photo copyright zen (published under creative commons) My Alcoholic Partner was doing well when she was off work between jobs. Now she is working she is slipping again. She attended AA for 5 months daily and it helped. Now when she has days off she drinks and is not going to AA anymore. Today she went shopping. She bought some wine for me and herself. She drank one bottle on the way home and finished if off after she got home. I found out when I saw the bottle. This is unusual as she is usually more secretive and it can be hard to find the booze. She admitted to it after I found it and woke her up. It knocked her out. She has been in bed all day and just called out,"are you OK?". I said, "as good as I can be while you are behaving so badly". The wine she drank was good, Berberana, Reserva 2003 Rioja. Total waste as she could have drunk anything. My Alcoholic Partner is heading towards a true binge. I warned her of this today. If she binges she'll eventually los...

Despair photo copyright Amber Rhea Women and Alcoholism is a growing problem in the UK and has been for some time; since the end of the beginning of equality that women so ably and rightly fought for. The trouble is in fighting for equality to men in the workplace for example some women have had to work and live like men and do the housework as well. More importantly, and I am not being sexist, a lot of women have discovered that they don't like working like men and competing against men at work. It doesn't suit them; it is not for them but it is hard to admit that. This causes stress on several levels and this is one reason why Women and Alcoholism is on the rise. Another is amongst young women behaving or trying to behave like young men. I don't know why they think it is clever to behave like badly behaved young men and binge drink at the weekends. Perhaps it is the filtering down of feminism and equality to the young. They might not appreciate it but they are being driv...

photo copyright DerrickT I have to play my own little game of Alcoholism Psychology to try and get Jane to control her alcoholism. In addition to constantly (but gently) reminding her that she is starting to drink more after starting her new job, I have reminded her that my promise to her of a new wide screen flat panel TV will not be forthcoming next Christmas if she continues to drink as she is at present. When she started going to AA after last Christmas I decided to add another motivator to try and stop her drinking. I promised that I'd buy her a large flat panel TV if she stayed dry until after Christmas 2009. As she likes watching TV a lot that should be a motivator. She has been hankering after a big modern TV for some time. The idea was to have a 2 pronged approach. The discipline of the AA meetings (the hard approach) and the reward (the softer approach) of a TV. She also always drinks at Christmas so it may help to stop that. Well, she has not remained dry but she is...

These are the medal Alcoholics Anonymous give out at stages in the progress of an alcoholic on his/her journey of abstinence. Photo copyright Derek Farr ( DetroitDerek). Jane my partner has several of these on her bedside table. She proudly showed me them and I gave praise well earned. Alcoholics meetings are important for an alcoholic as far as I am concerned and this is based on personal experience as the victim of an alcoholic. When Jane, my alcoholic partner was between jobs she went to AA meetings every day. This was fairly easy as there are lots of AA meetings around here (South Wet London). There must be lots of alcoholics too! All of the Alcoholics meetings were within about a 2 mile distance from home. She did well. 5 months past without drinking and she got her medals and did "service". This means doing some work at the meetings to help the running of the meeting such as making the tea or washing up. In fact she did have one or two drinks while she was attending th...

I caught my alcoholic partner coming back from the local shops with Vodka and some crisps (potato chips in the US). This seems like nothing in a normal household but it is unusual here. I was in the garden having been on the computer. When I am on the computer she thinks I am out of it, distanced and she can sneak some booze into the apartment without me noticing. Unfortunately for her I felt like a break and went out into the garden at the same time she was returning from the shops, about a 7 minute walk away. She had been drinking already as she was showing "the signs". Although if I had mentioned it she would have lost her mind completely and defended herself to the death. Anyway, there I was in the garden with my own booze (a glass of white wine) and I ask where she had been. She looked and sounded guilty and perhaps knowing I would know that she had bought Vodka, owned up to it. This is so very rare believe me . She will normally never, ever admit to having Vodka and i...

Hi, this is a quick update. My alcoholic partner is now working. She is under more stress and actually I got her to admit that she had a drink the other day. It was on both her days off. She actually thinks that I can't notice. And when I dare mention it (which is rarely as she completely loses it and gets very defensive) I do so with trepidation. So, on her days off she is now drinking to the point where she "feels tired" at about 4 pm and goes to bed not long after. This leaves me alone. When she is working she "feels tired" and goes to bed quite soon after getting back from work. This also leaves me alone. It's tough. I know I am moaning but, you know, I can't help it. I just hope she doesn't have a full blown binge because that may scupper her job. The last two employer were pretty tolerant of long periods of absence but then she is a bl**dy good lier when she calls in sick about 10 days after not turning up to work. All that said she has offici...

Alcoholic Partner Chat has got to include a short post about William Shatner. I didn't realise until recently that he married an alcoholic and he knew she was alcoholic before he married her. In fact, Leonard Nemoy, Spock from the Star Treck series had warned Shatner about his then girlfriend's alcoholism. He knew anyway. William Shatner says that Leonard Nemoy was also an alcoholic who was recovering from his alcoholism. You can see how widespread it is in the world. The world is not what we think it is, it really isn't. What it looks like is very far from what it is. Anyway, William had a rough ride as expected but he didn't expect it to be that rough. Living with an alcoholic is bad bad bad. One of the problems is that when they are not drunk they don't behave that well. This may be because they want to get drunk and can't and/or they hate the world so much that it makes them irritable. Remember the personal characteristics that make a person an alcoholic ca...

Alcoholic Partner Chat is chat about me and how I cope living with an alcoholic partner. I haven't made a past for quite a long time as I have been busy doing other things and anyway my partner has been pretty good for some time. That was mainly due to being off work (between jobs) and going to Alcoholics Anonymous every day for about 5 months. That routine and me pushing her to go did the trick. She seemed to form a new routine in life centered around the AA meetings and she did "service" at the AA meetings. Doing "service" means doing something useful at the meeting to help. She has also organized a sponsor (another AA term in which experienced AA members who have been off the booze for a long time mentor others). But and this is a big but she is now working and the stress of going to work is driving her to drink in the evenings and on her days off. She is not back binging yet (meaning drinking in bed for 7 days) but is, I fear, on the slippery slope towards ...