Monday, 18 August 2008

Is this blog cruel?

Is this blog cruel? I started this blog last Christmas when Jane ruined it again. I was frustrated and it was hell. I needed an outlet. Jane constantly hurts me but should I make posts to this blog about it?

I guess it is a kind of public argument. How would Jane react to this blog? A person making a comment asked that question - a good question. There is no point just hitting out and hurting her. But maybe this blog will help.

She consistently denies that she is drinking. Although she did go to AA for 5 months so admitted it there. An alcoholic needs to be public about their drinking. It is the first step in recovery. She intends to write about her alcoholism anyway. Also I told her I'd do this blog. These are the pro arguments.

Maybe I am just justifying doing it. Is this blog cruel? If it is I'll stop it.

Update: some more pro and con points:

  • Jane intends to write about her alcoholism. If she intends to make it truly public, I am allowed to talk about it anonymously
  • It is educational. A lot goes on behind closed doors. What we see in the world is not what happens in the world. This blog helps to rectify that.
  • There needs to be an openness to help cure and release the problem
  • I am a carer, I have the right to talk about my experiences
  • If Jane suffered from cancer would I do the same thing - yes - because it tells the world about the kind of torment that exists behind the facade. Some people think that what they see is how the world is - wrong (I am repeating the point above)
  • Why shouldn't I make this blog? It isn't cruel. We, who live with alcoholics are the victims. The perpetrators are the alcoholics.
  • Why don't I move out? It is never as easy as that. There are many factors to consider. We are all human too.
  • She'll never find out about this blog unless someone else, who surfs the net for stuff about alcoholism and knows her, finds out and tells her.
  • It is cruel and an abuse of a vulnerable person
  • It is self indulgent
Jane is bl**dy cruel to me. She is not vulnerable. She has ice coursing through her veins. There is something very wrong with Jane. She is very selfish herself. Why can't I be selfish. Do I have to be a saint and take all the punishment. Bl**dy hell I do........

So, why don't I leave? Just go and be done with the whole sorry mess of it. Well, as usual it is not that straightforward. First, although it is bad, very bad when she binges she is not binging all the time. So, I forget the hassle in between. Here are some other reasons:
  • I like the area (very pragmatic that one but that is how life works)
  • I have let my home so I can't go back to it
  • I don't want to go back to my home as I prefer living where I am
  • I will need to sell my home when the tenant agreement ends and I can't because the market is depressed. I'd rather sell when the market bounces back
  • My cat likes her home here. That might sound odd but she is very important to me
  • I need to find another companion and that as we all know is not easy
  • I don't want to move again. I did all the work moving here. I went through all the hassle and left my home to which I cannot return.
This is the boring unglamorous reality. We need a reality check in the world generally. There is far too much fakery going on at all levels of society. Is this blog cruel? Yes, in some ways it is. But as I said, I don't care anymore. I also hope that exposing of the reality of being a victim of an alcoholic is of more general benefit than the detriment in being a bit cruel, if it is cruel.

Is this blog cruel? to still drinking


  1. I would miss your blog. I do think it's educational and I'm a bit "caught up" in it at this point. I'm sorry to say it seems as though "Jane" is on the path to demise. I feel so sorry for her, and I don't see any books in her future unless she gets long-term rehab. Not just a few days, weeks or months but at least a year of in-house treatment. Without treatment, her liver will soon cease to function. It can't handle that much poison.

    I also feel sorry for you. You are a codependent. You need to understand that you are powerless to change anyone but yourself. You are so caught up in her nightmare that it's affecting your own life and that's unhealthy. There is a book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie which can and will change your life. I hope you read it.

  2. Hi, thanks for your comment. I myself do not naturally fit into the world. The world likes convention. If you question it you are a marginal person, an outsider. I question the world and don't accept it. This marginalizes me and is part of the reason why I am stuck with "Jane". I'd love to be living a normal life with someone who accepts.


I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.