Friday, 13 June 2008

Alcoholism chat

Just a quick update of alcoholism chat. Jane did well today. She stayed off the dreaded booze. She even went for a run after coming back from work and she started work at 5:30 this morning so well done to her. She did some housework after the run and then had something to eat but failed to find the energy to go to AA. I don't blame her, it would have been too much.

She starts work tomorrow at 7:30 and I am starting a three week stint of work tomorrow so I will not be around when she comes back from her work. This may be a problem as it will take the pressure of her to not drink on the way home as she will know I won't be here to spot it.

There it is - wait and see. What will be will be. I am pessimistic about her chances of staying off the booze while she is working as it makes her tired and stresses her. This destabilizes her slightly and just enough to tip her towards drink over time. She really struggles with coping generally when she works.

3 comments:

  1. Dear Freddie, I have been searching the net for aprox. three weeks now. Somehow because my story started on the net I foolishly perhaps try looking for answers to help stop my pain through the same medium. So far the pain outlasts everything else in my world. I have given up on life, basically I am to scared to die but in to much pain to live. Perhaps, like you I might find some type of closure and healing by just relating my story. I honestly hope so, I literally feel already dead inside and if I don't do something to fix myself I don't know what my future would be like. I am hopeing my answers are out there by just getting it out of me and into the world somewhere.
    I’m not sure if that is what you mean about “please comment” Small comments wouldn’t do my story justice, perhaps I am in the wrong place? I would like to say however that I wish you luck, I know how you feel. Unlike you my "Jane" affected me like a huricane,with an intensity of "love" never felt before by me online or anywhere else. I too am older and I thought myslf more "aware" of life and it's experiances than I obviously was. My story only lasted for 8 months, I too had no idea of her exact problem but our relationship ended up in three weeks of utter hell. Whist still only extreamly recient I am still in emotional devistation and the pain is emence but in my story she left me and moved back home 10,000 miles away. My question to you or anyone else that may be able to help me is will I stop hurting,(selfish I know ) but secondly, would there be anything I could have done to make this "better" had she stayed or realistically, am I better off that she fled and left me? The biggest and sadest question of all and the one that hurts me the most of many others is what now becomes of her and her two children. I loved her desperately and feel horrible for the children, her and myself, but who did I love? I still don't really know who I loved or who loved me or even if we loved at all? Sometimes she would refer to herself in the third ? person terms, as in "jane" does this..or "jane" is like that, at the time I didn't see any significence, I actually thought it was cute fun, who was she, why would she change her whole life travel 10,000 miles to be with me only to last 14 days? untill she fled and turned into someone I couldn't even recognise? Our last letter of comunication when she got home was that it was me that had made her STOP DRINKING because of my deception, this I will never understand. Stephen

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  2. Hi Stephen, Thanks for the comment. It touched me and asked questions I cannot answer right now. I am in pain too. I have been for about 10 years or more. I am not scared to die, just not ready right now.

    I think we look for something that doesn't exist. I'll make a comment soon in response. One thing I do know is that we are not meant to be sorted out and there are no answers.

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  3. Hi Stephen, Living with an alcoholic is next to impossible but you get used to it!

    Alcoholics lie and lie again. They are utterly unreliable and destroy any trust you had. It's the lies. And Jane always tries to turn the tables onto me to deflect blame.

    It really is awful. But life alone for me is probably worse I'm afraid.

    As far as I am concerned there are no clear answers as to what to do for the best. But if she'd stayed and if she is a true alcoholic she probably would have made your life significantly worse.

    Good luck Stephen

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I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.