The latest binge has been bad. Last night was distressing as I thought that there was a real chance that she might not make it. She has expressed a wish to die before but, other than the slow death of being an alcoholic, she has never got so close to ending it.
Anyway, I woke up this Sunday morning at about 5 am and went into her room as she is OK. The effects of the drugs and alcohol have eased and she said that she was OK.
Well, I really thought that I might wake up and find her dead. That sounds extreme perhaps but she punishes her body. Extreme levels of alcohol and also drugs. One never knows when the body will give up. She is not heavy either so the chemicals she ingests will have a greater effect.
On my first date with her she got drunk (I didn't realise that she was drunk) and told me that if life was a path and it divided, one route signifying death and the other life; she'd choose the former.
She wants to die. That sounds and is sad. But not surprising. Maybe it would have been a good thing if she had not made it last night and the latest binge had been her last.