Vineyard - future booze - photo by Vermin Inc
Alcoholism Cat - Well, Jane had another binge when recovering from the operation. This time it was for several days. She asked me to get some Vodka during the binge, which I did to avoid injury to herself and bought 2 bottles. I had hoped that she would drink one bottle per day but drank both in under 24 hours as far as I recall. Same ole problem. She felt like sh*t after the binge (about the equivalent of 1-2 bottles of Vodka from the bottle per day - she is not a heavy person). I think she stopped because of fear of losing her job which I had hammered home might happen.
She had to go back to hospital at the end of the binge due to stomach pain. I have lost count the number of times she has gone this year. I took her to hospital as the ambulance service were understandably reluctant to come and get her. It wasn't after all a life threatening situation although Jane was looking terrible, hyperventilating and had a bad pain in her stomach as I said, which was swollen.
Anyway she stayed at hospital for a couple of days. She was diagnosed with something a lot less important (I wont tell you what) and released. Jane is hell to be with after a binge anyway but add to the that the recovery from the operation and she was awful. I think that she suffers from Histrionic personality disorder (HPD). As I said she fell over 3 times over the last three mini-binges and has a massive black eye which will take ages to disappear. That raises another point; people may think that I have hit her when she has simply fallen over on a hard floor. In fact she was lucky she didn't do more damage. She has an indentation in her skull from a previous fall.
Anyway, I resolved to leave sometime. It is a balance. I find it difficult to live alone but there comes a point when it is better to live alone.
I am making enquiries for renting somewhere............lets see.
Alcoholism chat to Still drinking
I'm happy to hear you're considering getting your own life together without the fear of living with someone else's alcoholism. Do you suppose "Jane" might finally get help for herself if she's really losing you?
ReplyDeleteShe'll never change. She has admitted it in so many words.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment.
i just ran across this blog and it adds another crack to my already broken heart. i am like jane, not nearly to that extreme, but enough so that i found this blog because i was searching images of jaundice to see if i had that look. i often wonder why my husband stays with me, at times i'm so grateful that he's so forgiving, other times i wish he would leave so i would be forced to take responsibility for myself, or worse, he would finally get off my back so i can do what i want without this parent-figure hovering over me nagging all the time. it kills me that i hurt those i love by hurting myself like this, but at times i feel so out of control, like i'm possessed. i know it's wrong, i know the consequences, and yet i can't seem to say no. i imagine it's somewhat the same as an overweight person's relationship with food and overeating. sometimes you're capable of restraint, other times it's impossible. i am not your jane, but i am one of the many janes out there. i apologize to you and the rest of the mr. foxes on behalf of all of us janes, i don't know if it's ever possible to understand the complexity of what is going on in our heads, i know i don't understand it even being one of the perpetrators.
ReplyDeleteHi Thanks for the comment. I understand that the underlying reasons are complicated and deep rooted.
ReplyDeleteFor Jane one problem is very low self esteem. She almost wants to punish herself by drinking knowing that it will cause people to hate her and criticise her, something she had learned that was to be expected from her childhood.
I am just now facing the fact that i've been involved with an alcoholic for a year now. We had talked about moving in together, and i think my concern of what that would really mean to my life brought a lot of hidden fears to the surface.
ReplyDeleteHe is a binge drinker.. at first i thought that meant he couldn't be an alcoholic, that he was just an extreme social drinker. But i also had to deny a rash of verbal abuse from him (not to mention my own share of trailor trash behavior)... i cannot deny it anymore.
As an enabler, i am trying to see my own destructive behavior... it is easy to deny our part in the process when we label ourselves "victims".
We partner with alcoholics for various reasons.. most just as self-destructive as the alcoholic's. I am beginning to see that i am just as controlling as he, just as angry and insecure as he is.. only i act out by being the one without the problem, the stoic one, the ever faithful partner who puts up with one bad incident after another. His angel as he calls me, when he's not calling me a f*king idiot.
I understand your fear of moving out, of being alone. My heart is breaking ... this man I met, when sober, took care of me like i have never been taken care of before. I will always love the person he is when he is sober and free from the tensions the lead up to his drinking.
I hope you can break out of this trap you are both in. Maybe the most loving, compassionate thing you can do for Jane is to move out. Obviously if you have stayed for 8 years and this the shape of your relationship, your staying with her and perpetuating the interaction could be interpreted as pointless, if not cruel. I apologize if that seems heartless... but i am beginning to feel that the kindest thing i can do for my man is to leave.
Freddie, I am missing your blog. Have you decided to end it?
ReplyDeleteHi, to the person who asked if I am ending the blog the answer is no.
ReplyDeleteBut I was put off by someone criticizing me for the blog and I am busy building a website that gets far more visitors (4,000 plus per day) and makes some real money (currently $700 per month for cat charities). The other site occupies most of my time and Jane continues to p**s me off.
I am thinking of leaving. I think this every other day but I know I'll die if I live alone.