Saturday, 10 January 2009

Victims Live With Death

As a victim of an alcoholic I live with the possibility of the death of the alcoholic that I am living with. Jane was in a fetal position for long periods during the last binge of some 11 days and 11 bottles of neat vodka. It is like living in a slow motion car crash. It is traumatic. It is unnerving. It is something we should not travel through. Jane is now in hospital because she could not control the sickness after the last 11 day binge. The whole experience was, as usual, traumatic and I don't want to live through it again. It damages me. I become used to it. I lose compassion. I learn to hate. I learn to disregard. And in doing so I lose a bit of me.

3 comments:

  1. Freddie, I'm glad she finally made it to the hospital. At least she'll have some medical care for a few days. You know I know what it's like: either suffer through the crisis with them, or buy the liquor to keep the calm for one more day. I'm in the same boat right now, waiting for the seizures, death, or his decision to finally go to rehab/detox or ER. All the while running on little sleep and a stressful weeek at work. The first two times he was in the ER he was very close to death - he caught pneumonia and was in an induced coma for a month. He's been holed up in his room for days, I've had to try to get him to eat something every day, and the only way I can get him out of the house now is if I can successfully get him committed for psychiatric evaluation or if he has a seizure. Unfortunately, the ambulance people can't force him out if he doesn't agree to go.

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  2. I forgot to add, I wish I could give you a hug. I also feel damaged. I'm around people in their twenties and younger some days during the week, especially young professional women who are just married or planning weddings, and they have such hope and almost a purity when it comes to love and relationships. I know I'll never get that back.

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  3. Hi Cosufferer, your experiences with your partner are very similar to mine. The never ending cycle of uncertainty, near death, trauma and dashed hopes. Jane was very sick this time after the binge. I called the ambulance at 1 am in the morning. Hell fire I just wanted rid of her to be honest. She was huffing and puffing and moaning and groaning all the time in between making herself sick or just being sick. She could have avoided it by taking anti-sickness pills much earlier and she said she would but she didn't. She likes to suffer. She is never happier than when suffering and miserable.

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I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.