Thursday, 3 January 2008

Alcoholics Anonymous commitment

The idea is that Jane goes to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) every day (new years resolution) and I help her to get there if needed. As I mentioned she doesn't seem that keen despite agreeing with me that the most important thing in her life is to control her drinking. Her alcoholism has ruined her life for the past 25 years or so. It's also messed up mine to an extent but I'm kind of used to it.

She has to find work as well (recently redundant). These are the two priorities. The first of which is to deal with her alcoholism. Everything will follow on from that.

I just don't sense commitment. She wriggles out of it. She claims she is too busy. She simply is not too busy. And anyway, everything should be dropped to deal with her illness. I'll do the rest if I have too.

Because if she is not drinking my life improves a lot so even on a selfish basis it pays to help Jane to stop drinking.

Anyway she went to AA at lunchtime on her own. She said she'd be gone about 3 hours. She was, and I don't think she went to AA at all. Although I am guessing. I just have this horrible gut feeling she went somewhere else.

I asked questions about the AA meeting and she gave general answers. She then went to bed at about 7:30pm saying she was tired and fell asleep in front of the TV in her bedroom. Has she been drinking again? Damn, I can't be sure, but it could be.

I think I hear the sound of the screw top opening (of the Vodka bottle), a very well known sound to me and recognisable at 50 paces.

I have no hope whatsoever of her stopping and controlling her alcoholism. The bottom line is the cause of her drinking is still there and she hates herself and life. You've got to change that as well and that frankly is impossible.

At the same time she is taking two Antabuse tablets daily in front of me (I had to remind her this morning). Why take 2? Does she believe that they don't work and takes two to boost the effect? Once again, I don't see commitment. She'll be on a 7 day binge within 2 weeks, I predict.


  1. Hi there,
    My mom has heavily abused alcohol over the past 6 months after the stroke of my grandmother, her finding out she has diabetes, and now awaiting death of her dear friend because of cancer. It used to be when I was young she'd have her nightly drink of vodka on the rocks with a splash of water and a twist of lemon.
    *Twenty years later*
    It has increased to a half a handle and sometimes a Xanax.
    It has begun to hurt the family dynamic and people are noticing at the sporting events we go to.
    My fathers in denial, My sister is dealing with it the most because she is still in the home, and the youngest my brother... is clueless to most of it which is a blessing.
    A family friend is helping me confront this.
    I hope to catch this early before her sugar crashes again. Hang in there... My parents say I have back stabbed them by informing her doctor, but this is the only way she will get better I believe. Keep posting, your giving me courage to help her.
    thank you. Hang in there... i need your blog just as much as you do.

  2. Hi there, Thanks so much for sharing your story. It is one hell of a battle that is never over.

    You are right to help. God there is nothing else to do but help. It was hell seeing my partner drinking and being sick and getting seriously ill.

    Now I am used to it. But I still help her and push her - it's survival.

    There is no easy way. We are all humans and frail ultimately. It will hurt the family badly as it is so very painful and on a practical level things go wrong.

    In the end it comes from your Mom, starting to be open and talking to the family about it and getting family support. Tears, hugs arguments, all must be done before she can begin to control it.

    And then she must be forever vigilent to prevent it coming back.

    You Dad too must come out of denial. She will need her husband's help. The sooner your Mom says NO to the drink the sooner she will re-train herself and turn back to her pre-alcoholic ways.


I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.