Skip to main content

Alcoholics Anonymous commitment

The idea is that Jane goes to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) every day (new years resolution) and I help her to get there if needed. As I mentioned she doesn't seem that keen despite agreeing with me that the most important thing in her life is to control her drinking. Her alcoholism has ruined her life for the past 25 years or so. It's also messed up mine to an extent but I'm kind of used to it.

She has to find work as well (recently redundant). These are the two priorities. The first of which is to deal with her alcoholism. Everything will follow on from that.

I just don't sense commitment. She wriggles out of it. She claims she is too busy. She simply is not too busy. And anyway, everything should be dropped to deal with her illness. I'll do the rest if I have too.

Because if she is not drinking my life improves a lot so even on a selfish basis it pays to help Jane to stop drinking.

Anyway she went to AA at lunchtime on her own. She said she'd be gone about 3 hours. She was, and I don't think she went to AA at all. Although I am guessing. I just have this horrible gut feeling she went somewhere else.

I asked questions about the AA meeting and she gave general answers. She then went to bed at about 7:30pm saying she was tired and fell asleep in front of the TV in her bedroom. Has she been drinking again? Damn, I can't be sure, but it could be.

I think I hear the sound of the screw top opening (of the Vodka bottle), a very well known sound to me and recognisable at 50 paces.

I have no hope whatsoever of her stopping and controlling her alcoholism. The bottom line is the cause of her drinking is still there and she hates herself and life. You've got to change that as well and that frankly is impossible.

At the same time she is taking two Antabuse tablets daily in front of me (I had to remind her this morning). Why take 2? Does she believe that they don't work and takes two to boost the effect? Once again, I don't see commitment. She'll be on a 7 day binge within 2 weeks, I predict.

Labels

Labels:

Comments

  1. Anonymous15 January 2008 at 00:17

    Hi there,
    My mom has heavily abused alcohol over the past 6 months after the stroke of my grandmother, her finding out she has diabetes, and now awaiting death of her dear friend because of cancer. It used to be when I was young she'd have her nightly drink of vodka on the rocks with a splash of water and a twist of lemon.
    *Twenty years later*
    It has increased to a half a handle and sometimes a Xanax.
    It has begun to hurt the family dynamic and people are noticing at the sporting events we go to.
    My fathers in denial, My sister is dealing with it the most because she is still in the home, and the youngest my brother... is clueless to most of it which is a blessing.
    A family friend is helping me confront this.
    I hope to catch this early before her sugar crashes again. Hang in there... My parents say I have back stabbed them by informing her doctor, but this is the only way she will get better I believe. Keep posting, your giving me courage to help her.
    thank you. Hang in there... i need your blog just as much as you do.
    -annon

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous15 January 2008 at 04:02

    Hi there, Thanks so much for sharing your story. It is one hell of a battle that is never over.

    You are right to help. God there is nothing else to do but help. It was hell seeing my partner drinking and being sick and getting seriously ill.

    Now I am used to it. But I still help her and push her - it's survival.

    There is no easy way. We are all humans and frail ultimately. It will hurt the family badly as it is so very painful and on a practical level things go wrong.

    In the end it comes from your Mom, starting to be open and talking to the family about it and getting family support. Tears, hugs arguments, all must be done before she can begin to control it.

    And then she must be forever vigilent to prevent it coming back.

    You Dad too must come out of denial. She will need her husband's help. The sooner your Mom says NO to the drink the sooner she will re-train herself and turn back to her pre-alcoholic ways.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

I'd like to hear the experiences of both alcoholics and the victims of alcoholics, please.

Popular posts from this blog

Alcoholism Signs For Family

If a person regularly falls asleep just after breakfast she is possibly an alcoholic. This is because she has had more than a stiff drink early in the morning. Although, alcoholism signs for the family are hard to spot in my experience. What is my experience? It's being the partner and now (2008) a "live in partner" of an alcoholic for about 9 years. Update: I am still her partner but no longer living with her in 2024 which is 16 years after this page was first written! The first section of this article is by me based on experience. The second part is by Bing's Co-pilot after researching the internet. At the end of the article are some pointers as to whether the person in question is an alcoholic. When I first met Jane I didn't know that she was an alcoholic. At that moment in time I was an innocent to the world of alcoholism. It took me about 3 months to realize that she was an alcoholic. What lead me to this revelation? When I didn't know she was an alcohol...
Post a Comment
Read more

Living With An Alcoholic

Here is what it is like Living With An Alcoholic . Whatever a normal relationship might mean, it doesn't exist. It is snuffed out by the dreaded Mr V (vodka). One of the first things that comes to mind is that alcoholics are known to be unreliable and just plain liars. And I am not being critical of alcoholics. I am just describing the facts. Alcoholism drives the alcoholic to lie and deceive. It becomes a way of life. And broken promises abound. Promises to change and stop. These are all well intentioned but can never be kept until the alcoholic is what AA calls a recovering alcoholic. Recovering alcoholics are alcoholics who are able, for the time being, to control their alcoholism. It is as good as it can get for them and their partner. So living with an alcoholic is a very fragile existence, the relationship always undermined by a breach of trust or a potential breach of trust. Then there are the rows. These occur during the binge drinking or continuous drinking (if the alcohol...
38 comments
Read more

Alcoholics Disappoint

Emptiness born out of continual disappointment - photo by Tch0la =) Alcoholics disappoint all the time. It happens over and over again. As a victim of an alcoholic you think that you can start living even a little bit normally. Just a little bit of normality is all you ask. It is all you crave. And when you think that you are getting there, bang, she screws up again. Jane hardly ever keeps her word. She will promise and never deliver. These are the ways of alcoholics. Or at least the one I am living with. But I think it is pretty normal across the board. Alcoholics disappoint in part because they are constantly being driven by the first priority in their life: where and when to get the next drink. This rules their lives. They probably hate it but I reckon most don't even have an opinion on it. Their mind is full of the desire for that first rush after the neat vodka hits the brain. And then they can't resist the urge to repeat it. Jane does this until she falls asleep. Jane pr...
13 comments
Read more